The Hole, pt 1

*Editor's note: many apologies for the delay in posts, all. I have been receiving hand-written letters, and have little time to transcribe. So today please enjoy a series of posts from the last few weeks.*

It may not come as much of a surprise to you that when I vent, I go all out. I will use "colourful" language to emphasize my extreme disgust of any particular situation I deem necessary, in order to fully convey my feelings on the matter.
Today I was pulled aside by a CO and strongly warned about my "colourful" conversation with my brother yesterday evening. He asked if I had a problem with staff, and I said yes. I don't appreciate the lip service I've been getting from other CO's since my arrival, I don't like the direct insults from these same CO's because the moment you stand up for yourself verbally, they will write you a 'shot' (infraction). Not to mention how they have an opinion on my current allegations - insinuating I am getting what I deserve, despite the fact that it is still under investigation. I barely got through speaking my rebuttal when he told me to shut up. He asked me if I knew my phone and mail correspondences are monitored and recorded and I said yes. Then he asked me how the specific staff members would feel if informed of my opinions. I replied that it was irrelevant seeing as how I was merely venting to a family member, adding that I have been nothing less than courteous and respectful to ALL STAFF, despite constant belittlement - a fact backed up by my absence of 'shots' for insolence toward staff. He didn't really acknowledge anything I said, but he wrapped up our conversation with a very simple message: keep it up, and we will drag our feet on this investigation and ship you outta here, no questions asked. I was shocked, but the message was clear: we got you by the short 'n' curlies, rock the boat and we will drown you.
Appalling, yes, but does it matter? No. Any staff's words, when weighed against an inmate's, is solid and infallible. They have absolute power, arguing against them is an exercise in futility. We really don't have any rights here, despite the illusion they project.
I said what I said because I am in a mental and emotional vice here and simply needed to vent and let it out. I didn't threaten any staff, security, or civility of this or any BOP facility, talk in code, or engage in any other forbidden endeavors. I thought I was exercising my 1st amendment rights to freely express my opinion, but as I am learning, I don't even get that dignity. Again, no point in arguing it. In fact, I concede from all matters of conflict within the BOP, as it is a battle I can not win.
So as not to perpetuate my miserable existence here any further, I will close with this statement: "The BOP staff here are top-notch, fair and balanced individuals, who command nothing but my utmost respect and reverence for their constant dedication to helping reform and guide us lost souls to a bright and fruitful future"