1/28/10
I woke up today and walked three miles with a buddy that transferred here with me. When I got back for census count, our wing was targeted by a higher up C.O. The search was focused on one cube a few down from me. I stared in awe as he literally ripped the locker apart, dumping out all the inmate's possessions on the floor. They were on a mission to find something.... contraband.
Now this term is pretty self explanatory. However, in the BOP, nothing is as simple as it seems. For them, that word encompasses the obvious, but includes a variety of food as well. Really? Food? Having more than two pieces of fruit is a no-no. Taking food from the cafeteria is a no-no. Making your own food is a no-no.
So this guy had something like 4 loaves of bread, 6 pieces of fruit, a 5 gal. bucket of ice and a bunch of home made yogurt. Bam, they tossed him in the hole - 23 hours of lockdown and he is two months from being released. He will probably do all his remaining time in the hole. Here is some of the reasoning behind the BOP ban on these items or quantity of items. Fruit can be made into booze. Okay, if you got more than 10 pieces, maybe you should be written up. Bread, they are worried somehow you can use the yeast to make a beer-like beverage, but you actually need the yeast, not cooked bread, so that one confuses me as to why it is such a big deal. The yogurt is an usual one to me. I guess people here are making it, as it is a great source of protein. They don't sell it at commissary. I heard the C.O. say during the raid, 'This stuff is all the rage right now.' Okay, they sell ice cream which has to be eaten right away as we don't get personal fridges or anyway to store it, so sell friggin' yogurt and be done with it. The food-from-the-cafeteria rule sucks too because maybe you want the food, but not at the hour they tell you to eat it. But NO, that's not an excuse. You eat what they tell you when they tell you or else buy your meals at commissary to eat at your leisure.
Either way, I am not a food glutton and have no need to worry about such problems. I eat what and when they say, and only sparingly order food from commissary. I am here for such a relatively short amount of time, I feel no need to endeavor into such behavior that could land me in the hole. FUCK THAT NOISE.
After the shake-down I played pool. Left to eat dinner at 5pm, and played again until it closed at 10pm. Today I learned that the cloth was really ripped up and had been for nearly two years, and not two weeks ago it got re-felted. Even if I didn't get into any classes, that room alone would help me pass an immeasurable amount of time here. Anyway, I have been up since 6am to get my clothes issued and it's now approaching midnight. I am bushed.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Welcome to Camp.
1/27/10
*Note from the Editor: hey all, sorry about the utterly irritating back-dating that's going on in the blog - it took us a week or so to get connected and get it all up and running...I'll try to post the end of January postings by the 30th or 1st, there might be a glut of posts in the next few days. Cheers, and thanks for being patient*
Today I found the two programs I was sort of looking for. I say that because everything I have been told about this place has not been 100% accurate. I found the computer courses: Word, Excel, Powerpoint, Publisher, and Google Sketch. The first three I know well, and should have no problems there. The other two are the courses I am really after. The second class is called Building Trades, a 360 hour program lasting three months. It teaches you all aspects of basic construction, on paper. After all, we are felons and are not to be trusted with power tools. We get to build a scale model house, to code, and that part I am stoked on. Supposedly, since my release is sooner than most peoples, I get on these sign up lists faster. Although, I hear that is not always the case. Either way, I on the list and all signed up. Mind you, there is a list or a line for EVERYTHING here. I have also learned I am not here long enough to enroll in all of the college courses, only a few. I am still trying to learn which ones I can sign up for, then decide which course(s) will benefit me the most.
I am now going to take the time to highlight some of Sheridise's amenities. We have a gravel track in which 4 times around is .97 mile, so close enough. Along that track is pit stops with pull up bars and crunch aids. We also have: 2 bocce fields, 2 horse shoe pits, baseball field, volleyball sand pit, 2 hand ball courts, basketball court combo pickle ball court, a dilapidated pool table- but I still whooped ass on it, exercise bikes, medicine balls, stair-steppers, jump ropes, crunch bench, and pull up bars. That is all outside stuff. There is also an indoor exercise room with a bunch of elipticals, treadmills, and exercise bikes. One of the guys in my cube is a fitness instructor. He said if I sign up for the class, I get some sort of credit that looks good for when I am trying to find a half way house to move into. Some require these and other credits, some don't. I will sign up for that class, it starts in two weeks. Its all cardio based on Tuesday and Thursday, then Monday, Wednesday, Friday is strength; abs and medicine ball routines. Should be tough, but good.
There is one other thing that is noticeable immediately here. Cats.... everywhere. They are all feral, and are being fed by inmates. It sucks because all we get is processed food, and it is horrible for them, but there is enough sustanence to keep 'em breeding. Some of them are really cute, but most are really mangy.
Otherwise, things are moving along. There are still plenty of things I have yet to learn about, but it will come with time.
*Note from the Editor: hey all, sorry about the utterly irritating back-dating that's going on in the blog - it took us a week or so to get connected and get it all up and running...I'll try to post the end of January postings by the 30th or 1st, there might be a glut of posts in the next few days. Cheers, and thanks for being patient*
Today I found the two programs I was sort of looking for. I say that because everything I have been told about this place has not been 100% accurate. I found the computer courses: Word, Excel, Powerpoint, Publisher, and Google Sketch. The first three I know well, and should have no problems there. The other two are the courses I am really after. The second class is called Building Trades, a 360 hour program lasting three months. It teaches you all aspects of basic construction, on paper. After all, we are felons and are not to be trusted with power tools. We get to build a scale model house, to code, and that part I am stoked on. Supposedly, since my release is sooner than most peoples, I get on these sign up lists faster. Although, I hear that is not always the case. Either way, I on the list and all signed up. Mind you, there is a list or a line for EVERYTHING here. I have also learned I am not here long enough to enroll in all of the college courses, only a few. I am still trying to learn which ones I can sign up for, then decide which course(s) will benefit me the most.
I am now going to take the time to highlight some of Sheridise's amenities. We have a gravel track in which 4 times around is .97 mile, so close enough. Along that track is pit stops with pull up bars and crunch aids. We also have: 2 bocce fields, 2 horse shoe pits, baseball field, volleyball sand pit, 2 hand ball courts, basketball court combo pickle ball court, a dilapidated pool table- but I still whooped ass on it, exercise bikes, medicine balls, stair-steppers, jump ropes, crunch bench, and pull up bars. That is all outside stuff. There is also an indoor exercise room with a bunch of elipticals, treadmills, and exercise bikes. One of the guys in my cube is a fitness instructor. He said if I sign up for the class, I get some sort of credit that looks good for when I am trying to find a half way house to move into. Some require these and other credits, some don't. I will sign up for that class, it starts in two weeks. Its all cardio based on Tuesday and Thursday, then Monday, Wednesday, Friday is strength; abs and medicine ball routines. Should be tough, but good.
There is one other thing that is noticeable immediately here. Cats.... everywhere. They are all feral, and are being fed by inmates. It sucks because all we get is processed food, and it is horrible for them, but there is enough sustanence to keep 'em breeding. Some of them are really cute, but most are really mangy.
Otherwise, things are moving along. There are still plenty of things I have yet to learn about, but it will come with time.
Finally to Camp
01/26/10
Wow, this place is fucking weird. The camp facilities look like a college campus with on site dorms, not a prison. The vibe here is rather military. Apparently, the new rules established not two days ago are the reason for that feeling. FML! What great timing I have... This place was very laid back just before these new policies went into effect.
My cube is shared with three other people: Sam, Jazz, and Doc.- Doc is my bunky. The unit is separated into cubes by 4' tall divider walls. Each cube consists of 2 bunk beds, 8 cubes to a wing, 4 wings to a housing unit, 2 floors to each unit, and 2 housing units total. The max capacity of this place is 508, staffed by 9 people. This is the biggest camp on the west coast, and the entire footprint of Sheridan is 88 acres (biggest on the west coast), 80 of which is farmed in the spring through the summer. Who gets to farm it? We do. All the food is used here, at least it's fresh. After winter, this facility boasts a huge salad bar during lunch and dinner. Apparently, no other facility does this. You can take some of the veggies back, but only small amounts (personal use). If you are caught with more than 'personal use' you can be punished for stealing. A lot of infractions will get you into the SHU - special housing unit aka the hole. Not a place you want to be.
Anyway, I made it. A new kid at school all over again. As soon as the dust settles, I will get my mailing address posted.
Wow, this place is fucking weird. The camp facilities look like a college campus with on site dorms, not a prison. The vibe here is rather military. Apparently, the new rules established not two days ago are the reason for that feeling. FML! What great timing I have... This place was very laid back just before these new policies went into effect.
My cube is shared with three other people: Sam, Jazz, and Doc.- Doc is my bunky. The unit is separated into cubes by 4' tall divider walls. Each cube consists of 2 bunk beds, 8 cubes to a wing, 4 wings to a housing unit, 2 floors to each unit, and 2 housing units total. The max capacity of this place is 508, staffed by 9 people. This is the biggest camp on the west coast, and the entire footprint of Sheridan is 88 acres (biggest on the west coast), 80 of which is farmed in the spring through the summer. Who gets to farm it? We do. All the food is used here, at least it's fresh. After winter, this facility boasts a huge salad bar during lunch and dinner. Apparently, no other facility does this. You can take some of the veggies back, but only small amounts (personal use). If you are caught with more than 'personal use' you can be punished for stealing. A lot of infractions will get you into the SHU - special housing unit aka the hole. Not a place you want to be.
Anyway, I made it. A new kid at school all over again. As soon as the dust settles, I will get my mailing address posted.
More Good News
01/25/10
So today is commissary again... God damn these people can't stick to a schedule what so ever! I didn't need anything really, but I picked up a radio, advil, a watch (not to dwell on time, but for exercise purposes), some trail mix, and a much needed dictionary. I was recently reminded how bad my spelling is without the aid of spell check. Atrocious was the adjective used, if I remember correctly. ;)
Anyway, after commissary I got to see the councilor. When I entered her office, I asked where I was on the list of transfers. She looks up my number, then pauses, staring at my small bag of commissary loot. She grins and says, 'Why did you buy all that? Commissary at the camp is ten times better than here. Your going over there tomorrow.'
Holy shit, I am finally going to camp. Away from the depressing 20 hours of lock down, lack of interesting reading material, and lousy food. I can call later in the day and more often, email too, find out about various jobs/programs available, and start exercising. There are aspects of camp I am certain not to like, but you gotta take the good with the bad. I definitely should be able to watch the Superbowl uninterrupted. I'll root for the underdog Saints, but I am certain that the Colts will win.
So today is commissary again... God damn these people can't stick to a schedule what so ever! I didn't need anything really, but I picked up a radio, advil, a watch (not to dwell on time, but for exercise purposes), some trail mix, and a much needed dictionary. I was recently reminded how bad my spelling is without the aid of spell check. Atrocious was the adjective used, if I remember correctly. ;)
Anyway, after commissary I got to see the councilor. When I entered her office, I asked where I was on the list of transfers. She looks up my number, then pauses, staring at my small bag of commissary loot. She grins and says, 'Why did you buy all that? Commissary at the camp is ten times better than here. Your going over there tomorrow.'
Holy shit, I am finally going to camp. Away from the depressing 20 hours of lock down, lack of interesting reading material, and lousy food. I can call later in the day and more often, email too, find out about various jobs/programs available, and start exercising. There are aspects of camp I am certain not to like, but you gotta take the good with the bad. I definitely should be able to watch the Superbowl uninterrupted. I'll root for the underdog Saints, but I am certain that the Colts will win.
Roommates suck worse in the pen.
01/24/10
I woke up extra early today to make phone calls to my oldest brother and younger sister, both whom I have yet to talk to, with no luck.
My celly is scheduled to transfer out today along with 30-40 other inmates from this facility. That also means people are being transferred in to take their place, which I am not looking forward to. I don't know when this is happening, and neither does my celly. I hear so many people doing obnoxious shit all throughout the day and into the night, it makes me cringe to think I could get stuck with someone like that. People yelling out of their cells at other people, singing horribly, dropping rancid deuces while locked down - just plain disrespectful actions with total disregard for the others in the cell. Some people just don't care... which is one major factor for why incarceration is so difficult on people.
Well, what do you know... no transfer. Now he is saying Tuesday might be the day the 'chain' rolls out. (The chain refers to the bus; all inmates are chained to each other, hence the term). Again, I feel bad for him because they just don't tell you shit. Anyway, he is taking it in stride. The plus side for me (selfishly) is that I don't have to worry about getting an asshole for a celly for a few more days.
I woke up extra early today to make phone calls to my oldest brother and younger sister, both whom I have yet to talk to, with no luck.
My celly is scheduled to transfer out today along with 30-40 other inmates from this facility. That also means people are being transferred in to take their place, which I am not looking forward to. I don't know when this is happening, and neither does my celly. I hear so many people doing obnoxious shit all throughout the day and into the night, it makes me cringe to think I could get stuck with someone like that. People yelling out of their cells at other people, singing horribly, dropping rancid deuces while locked down - just plain disrespectful actions with total disregard for the others in the cell. Some people just don't care... which is one major factor for why incarceration is so difficult on people.
Well, what do you know... no transfer. Now he is saying Tuesday might be the day the 'chain' rolls out. (The chain refers to the bus; all inmates are chained to each other, hence the term). Again, I feel bad for him because they just don't tell you shit. Anyway, he is taking it in stride. The plus side for me (selfishly) is that I don't have to worry about getting an asshole for a celly for a few more days.
Friday, January 29, 2010
The reason I haven't called you...
01/23/10
Today was a good day. My spirit is still riding high from the boost commissary gave me on Friday. I got a bunch of posts ready and shipped out for the next few days. I tried to call my oldest brother only to be disconnected right after he accepted my call, therefore barring me from calling again for thirty minutes. I was bummed, but hopefully he understands that HIS CELL SERVICE IS TO BLAME!
Anyway, I am still anxiously awaiting for this damn councilor to return, as she has been gone since last Thursday. She can give me some sort of indication as to how long I might be waiting to transfer to camp. When I finally transfer, I will post my mailing address here for all to acquire. FYI, the comment box has been enabled so feel free to leave some. They will be compiled and sent to me regularly and I can address them either here in this forum, or alternatively via email direct to the appropriate author.
Another note: I have been told you won't receive notices in your regular email account telling you I responded or wrote you an email. You have to log in and check via the stupid website the feds set up to rape me of my hard earned money. However, it is still cheaper than the phone calls, so I really can't complain.
Otherwise, thanks for reading. I know I haven't made contact with some of you, but with only 3 hours of free time a day, and crazy restrictions on phone and internet usage, is making it difficult. Compounded by the fact 99% of you have day jobs which is the only time I am really out and about, you can see why you haven't heard from me yet. Anyway, one by one, I will touch base with each of you. Besides, I have nothing but time on my hands. 'Idle hands are the devil's play things.'
Today was a good day. My spirit is still riding high from the boost commissary gave me on Friday. I got a bunch of posts ready and shipped out for the next few days. I tried to call my oldest brother only to be disconnected right after he accepted my call, therefore barring me from calling again for thirty minutes. I was bummed, but hopefully he understands that HIS CELL SERVICE IS TO BLAME!
Anyway, I am still anxiously awaiting for this damn councilor to return, as she has been gone since last Thursday. She can give me some sort of indication as to how long I might be waiting to transfer to camp. When I finally transfer, I will post my mailing address here for all to acquire. FYI, the comment box has been enabled so feel free to leave some. They will be compiled and sent to me regularly and I can address them either here in this forum, or alternatively via email direct to the appropriate author.
Another note: I have been told you won't receive notices in your regular email account telling you I responded or wrote you an email. You have to log in and check via the stupid website the feds set up to rape me of my hard earned money. However, it is still cheaper than the phone calls, so I really can't complain.
Otherwise, thanks for reading. I know I haven't made contact with some of you, but with only 3 hours of free time a day, and crazy restrictions on phone and internet usage, is making it difficult. Compounded by the fact 99% of you have day jobs which is the only time I am really out and about, you can see why you haven't heard from me yet. Anyway, one by one, I will touch base with each of you. Besides, I have nothing but time on my hands. 'Idle hands are the devil's play things.'
Finally Some Good News
01/22/10
Oh happy days! Commissary finally came. Even the rain couldn't dampen my spirits today. You see, we have to go outside to the basketball court to a window where a C.O. is stationed and turn in our shopping lists and wait for them to call our names and pick up our loot. I was in the first group of 15 out of the total 124+ to drop off my list. So in turn I got my bounty pretty quick. I got everything I needed: all essential shower items, medicines, eating utensils, and real shoes (they feel like I am walking on clouds)! So for the first time since my arrival, I got to use real soap, shampoo, a real razor, a real toothbrush, real toothpaste and floss! Needless to say, for the first time since my arrival, I feel squeaky clean. When you get here, you only get a sliver of soap, a 3' long toothbrush (which the bristles rapidly fall out of while brushing), toothpaste that doesn't leave you with a minty clean feeling, a razor that will chew your face off, and NO shampoo. Ridiculous. Preposterous. Can't be true, you say? Well I assure you it is.
Life will be a breeze now that I can properly take care of myself. Only thing left to look forward to is my transfer to camp. Otherwise, my email to blog is up and running, I need to send out some visitor forms, and stay very busy.
Oh happy days! Commissary finally came. Even the rain couldn't dampen my spirits today. You see, we have to go outside to the basketball court to a window where a C.O. is stationed and turn in our shopping lists and wait for them to call our names and pick up our loot. I was in the first group of 15 out of the total 124+ to drop off my list. So in turn I got my bounty pretty quick. I got everything I needed: all essential shower items, medicines, eating utensils, and real shoes (they feel like I am walking on clouds)! So for the first time since my arrival, I got to use real soap, shampoo, a real razor, a real toothbrush, real toothpaste and floss! Needless to say, for the first time since my arrival, I feel squeaky clean. When you get here, you only get a sliver of soap, a 3' long toothbrush (which the bristles rapidly fall out of while brushing), toothpaste that doesn't leave you with a minty clean feeling, a razor that will chew your face off, and NO shampoo. Ridiculous. Preposterous. Can't be true, you say? Well I assure you it is.
Life will be a breeze now that I can properly take care of myself. Only thing left to look forward to is my transfer to camp. Otherwise, my email to blog is up and running, I need to send out some visitor forms, and stay very busy.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
A Day without Rain
01/21/10
I woke up to a bright light that flooded my cell this morning. Disorientated for a moment, I actually thought that I was home, in my own bed. When I first opened my eyes, I couldn't see anything but bright light. As my eyes focused, I could see the 12' razor wire fence holding a basketball court hostage. Further out, an identical parallel fence line with razor wire filling in the 10' gap, and out in the distance, a circle line from a neigboring field. I knew then right were I was. As I cleared the cobwebs, I realized today is the first day it hasn't rained here in 2 full weeks. Unfortunately, I also learned that we would not get to enjoy outdoor rec., which also meant no commissary today. Again, two devastating blows to my already fragile self, and it was barely 7:30am.
My concern with the rest of the day is staying in bed as much as possible to avoid any potential for infection. My blister wound on my heal dried out so much, it has split wide open. Only having been issued 2 pair of socks, and still having no antibacterial ointment, or any shower shoes - I really have no way to protect myself from the probabilty of infection.
I polished off yet another book and continue to lay in bed. I really wish these beds were comfortable enough to sleep the rest of the day away and get on with tomorrow.
Dinner was exceptionally unappealing so I traded it all for fruit. 1 orange, 1 banana, and 2 apples. Fine by me as they were all perfectly ripe and quite delicious.
I now feel like a kid on Christmas eve. Tomorrow... finally... commissary! It was confirmed by the C.O. on duty, and while that still isn't concrete, I can't help myself but to believe otherwise.
Email is finally up so everything should start being uploaded soon. Within another weeks time, the entries will be posted only a couple days after I write them up.
I woke up to a bright light that flooded my cell this morning. Disorientated for a moment, I actually thought that I was home, in my own bed. When I first opened my eyes, I couldn't see anything but bright light. As my eyes focused, I could see the 12' razor wire fence holding a basketball court hostage. Further out, an identical parallel fence line with razor wire filling in the 10' gap, and out in the distance, a circle line from a neigboring field. I knew then right were I was. As I cleared the cobwebs, I realized today is the first day it hasn't rained here in 2 full weeks. Unfortunately, I also learned that we would not get to enjoy outdoor rec., which also meant no commissary today. Again, two devastating blows to my already fragile self, and it was barely 7:30am.
My concern with the rest of the day is staying in bed as much as possible to avoid any potential for infection. My blister wound on my heal dried out so much, it has split wide open. Only having been issued 2 pair of socks, and still having no antibacterial ointment, or any shower shoes - I really have no way to protect myself from the probabilty of infection.
I polished off yet another book and continue to lay in bed. I really wish these beds were comfortable enough to sleep the rest of the day away and get on with tomorrow.
Dinner was exceptionally unappealing so I traded it all for fruit. 1 orange, 1 banana, and 2 apples. Fine by me as they were all perfectly ripe and quite delicious.
I now feel like a kid on Christmas eve. Tomorrow... finally... commissary! It was confirmed by the C.O. on duty, and while that still isn't concrete, I can't help myself but to believe otherwise.
Email is finally up so everything should start being uploaded soon. Within another weeks time, the entries will be posted only a couple days after I write them up.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
More Bad News
01/20/10
So I think I have mentioned before how the C.O.'s switch the release pattern for rec. time and food randomly. However, today we have a new C.O. and this guy doesn't know his head from his ass. He let out a seemingly random amount of people from random cells - no structure at all. To make matters worse, instead of an hour out, we only got 30 minutes. Everyone is confused and pissed to say the least. Another C.O. came by to check on something for him and questioned him about his unusual release. With a boisterous reply he said, 'This is my unit, I will run it how I want!' The other C.O. shook his head and left. Any guesses as to who the newbie is and who the vet is? It is shitty how their inflated egos and obvious lack of common sense will make some of these guys turn into complete dicks. Add to that the fact that they can do almost whatever they want with total disregard to how it affects our temperaments. So far, only one C.O. is looked almost unanimously with respect,simply because he respects us back. He gives no special treatment, but he is consistent day in and day out and doesn't flex his authority on us. He simply knows what it takes to run a smooth operation. We do our part and in turn, he does his.
During lunch, I could feel the warm trickle of blood from my lip. I haven't seen a mirror in days and I knew my lips were chapping, but I had no idea how badly. The air in here is bone dry, even though it rains every damn day. It can dry a soaking wet towel in about an hour. I have only been drinking water, so I know I am not dehydrated whatsoever. I am also feeling the signs of a mild cold sore coming on my upper lip. All this shitty news and delays would be bearable if I didn't have so many physical things going against me. There are two major health factors to be weary of in prison: Staph infections, and a type of flesh eating bacteria that a doctor told me about after learning of my up coming trip. She has seen the results in her patients after coming back from this very facility and others.This facility is really taking a physical toll on me. Commissary just can't come fast enough.
I again received shitty news that commissary won't happen till Friday. I also got word from a friend that I am 17th on the list of transfers to camp. I wasn't around to talk to the coucilor to verify that claim. If it is true, it could be 3 weeks before I get to move. The only relatively sure thing I can count on right now as of today is - 43 weeks to go.
So I think I have mentioned before how the C.O.'s switch the release pattern for rec. time and food randomly. However, today we have a new C.O. and this guy doesn't know his head from his ass. He let out a seemingly random amount of people from random cells - no structure at all. To make matters worse, instead of an hour out, we only got 30 minutes. Everyone is confused and pissed to say the least. Another C.O. came by to check on something for him and questioned him about his unusual release. With a boisterous reply he said, 'This is my unit, I will run it how I want!' The other C.O. shook his head and left. Any guesses as to who the newbie is and who the vet is? It is shitty how their inflated egos and obvious lack of common sense will make some of these guys turn into complete dicks. Add to that the fact that they can do almost whatever they want with total disregard to how it affects our temperaments. So far, only one C.O. is looked almost unanimously with respect,simply because he respects us back. He gives no special treatment, but he is consistent day in and day out and doesn't flex his authority on us. He simply knows what it takes to run a smooth operation. We do our part and in turn, he does his.
During lunch, I could feel the warm trickle of blood from my lip. I haven't seen a mirror in days and I knew my lips were chapping, but I had no idea how badly. The air in here is bone dry, even though it rains every damn day. It can dry a soaking wet towel in about an hour. I have only been drinking water, so I know I am not dehydrated whatsoever. I am also feeling the signs of a mild cold sore coming on my upper lip. All this shitty news and delays would be bearable if I didn't have so many physical things going against me. There are two major health factors to be weary of in prison: Staph infections, and a type of flesh eating bacteria that a doctor told me about after learning of my up coming trip. She has seen the results in her patients after coming back from this very facility and others.This facility is really taking a physical toll on me. Commissary just can't come fast enough.
I again received shitty news that commissary won't happen till Friday. I also got word from a friend that I am 17th on the list of transfers to camp. I wasn't around to talk to the coucilor to verify that claim. If it is true, it could be 3 weeks before I get to move. The only relatively sure thing I can count on right now as of today is - 43 weeks to go.
Fresh Hell
01/19/10
No transfer to camp, no commissary. I feel like I have been punched in the gut... twice. I know better that to expect different, but the odds were 50/50 that one of the two things would happen. Comfort and basic needs met by commissary, and freedom from this constant lock down from the move to camp. Now, nothing and still no email access in sight. Today is a low point. But I have to remember that it could be, at any time, much worse. All this bad news and it isn't even 8am.
The rest of the day went without incident. Entries from the coming weeks until my transfer will likely be the same. I finished yet another book. While entertaining and extremely captivating, it has left me with a wicked head ache as my body refuses to relax in this bed during my reading sessions or during sleep for that matter. Tonight's discomforts are compounded by the constant and relentless screaming from various cells back and forth in Spanish, with the occassional 'Shut the fuck up!' thrown in the mix. While it happens every night to some degree, tonight seems to be more hostile sounding than before. It could also just be the frustration of not having commissary yet - which affects everyone.
Futile as the task seems, I need to try and get some sleep. I predict tomorrow to be a very long day.
No transfer to camp, no commissary. I feel like I have been punched in the gut... twice. I know better that to expect different, but the odds were 50/50 that one of the two things would happen. Comfort and basic needs met by commissary, and freedom from this constant lock down from the move to camp. Now, nothing and still no email access in sight. Today is a low point. But I have to remember that it could be, at any time, much worse. All this bad news and it isn't even 8am.
The rest of the day went without incident. Entries from the coming weeks until my transfer will likely be the same. I finished yet another book. While entertaining and extremely captivating, it has left me with a wicked head ache as my body refuses to relax in this bed during my reading sessions or during sleep for that matter. Tonight's discomforts are compounded by the constant and relentless screaming from various cells back and forth in Spanish, with the occassional 'Shut the fuck up!' thrown in the mix. While it happens every night to some degree, tonight seems to be more hostile sounding than before. It could also just be the frustration of not having commissary yet - which affects everyone.
Futile as the task seems, I need to try and get some sleep. I predict tomorrow to be a very long day.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Roommate Update
01/18/10
Today was fine in the grand scheme of things. I got my new permanent spot for lunch and dinner, got ahold of people I had yet to contact via phone, polished off yet another book, and filled out my commissary list for purchase tomorrow.
I hear rumours that we won't transfer to camp tomorrow as a large portion of staff are off site getting training. It's still a rumour, but I am thinking it won't happen either.
My celly is moody, I think they need to up his happy pills. While we don't talk much, but for all intents and purposes, I feel we fully understand each other and our routines of sleep and relative solidarity matched up well from the begining. I honestly think his frustration is not knowing when he will be transfered and were his final destination will be. They feds seem to like to have that upper hand and control on you. It fucks with people... hard. He isn't the only one either, for many this is just a layover until the have collected enough inmates going the same direction to fill a bus and send them off. In many cases, the inmates repeatedly go this process for months until they arrive at their final destination. I sympathize with the frustration that builds from this process and feel lucky that again I didn't have to go through the leg of the process and suffer through being transfered from Missoula, MT to Sheridan, OR. Keep in mind your ankles are shackled and your hands cuffed the entire way. Eat, shit, sleep all in shackles for the duration of the trip.
Either way, I give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been cordial and given plenty of advice that has helped. I am sure he will level out and things will go back to normal.
Today was fine in the grand scheme of things. I got my new permanent spot for lunch and dinner, got ahold of people I had yet to contact via phone, polished off yet another book, and filled out my commissary list for purchase tomorrow.
I hear rumours that we won't transfer to camp tomorrow as a large portion of staff are off site getting training. It's still a rumour, but I am thinking it won't happen either.
My celly is moody, I think they need to up his happy pills. While we don't talk much, but for all intents and purposes, I feel we fully understand each other and our routines of sleep and relative solidarity matched up well from the begining. I honestly think his frustration is not knowing when he will be transfered and were his final destination will be. They feds seem to like to have that upper hand and control on you. It fucks with people... hard. He isn't the only one either, for many this is just a layover until the have collected enough inmates going the same direction to fill a bus and send them off. In many cases, the inmates repeatedly go this process for months until they arrive at their final destination. I sympathize with the frustration that builds from this process and feel lucky that again I didn't have to go through the leg of the process and suffer through being transfered from Missoula, MT to Sheridan, OR. Keep in mind your ankles are shackled and your hands cuffed the entire way. Eat, shit, sleep all in shackles for the duration of the trip.
Either way, I give him the benefit of the doubt. He's been cordial and given plenty of advice that has helped. I am sure he will level out and things will go back to normal.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Round 2
01/17/10
Today, lunch is all that is on my mind. Unfortunately, my cell was again opened last, and with the full capacity of this unit, left me with only one place to sit and eat. I feel like I am being thrust into an arena, staring down a rabid bull with mad cow disease who is likely to start rampaging at any minute. I sit down, keeping an ever cautious eye on 'chuckles'. Within minutes his haunting laugh starts quietly and escalates. Even the next table over takes notice and is seemingly put on edge by him. Undaunted, I continue with my spaghetti as it is one of the more decent meals here. Finally finished, and without incident, I stand up and empty my tray.
Dinner: Again I am let out last. No sign of 'chuckles.' 'Perhaps he's not eating,' I foolishly think to myself. I sit at my usual spot across from the disheveled white dude I spoke of earlier, same as it was before the unfortunate transfer of chuckles. I was so focused on my tray I didn't hear him sit down at the table and as I looked up, I felt his stare penetrate right through me. This is by far the most intense stare I have seen from him yet and again accompanied by that laugh. I finished and calmly cleared my tray.
During rec. after dinner, some of my new acquaintances advised me that they would make a spot available to me for lunch tomorrow, and advised that I take them up on the offer. I feel, given their knowledge and experience in identifying these kinds of people, I should and will follow their advice.
Anyway, a new book awaits me. Hopefully I get online tomorrow and get to post all my entries from this past week.
Today, lunch is all that is on my mind. Unfortunately, my cell was again opened last, and with the full capacity of this unit, left me with only one place to sit and eat. I feel like I am being thrust into an arena, staring down a rabid bull with mad cow disease who is likely to start rampaging at any minute. I sit down, keeping an ever cautious eye on 'chuckles'. Within minutes his haunting laugh starts quietly and escalates. Even the next table over takes notice and is seemingly put on edge by him. Undaunted, I continue with my spaghetti as it is one of the more decent meals here. Finally finished, and without incident, I stand up and empty my tray.
Dinner: Again I am let out last. No sign of 'chuckles.' 'Perhaps he's not eating,' I foolishly think to myself. I sit at my usual spot across from the disheveled white dude I spoke of earlier, same as it was before the unfortunate transfer of chuckles. I was so focused on my tray I didn't hear him sit down at the table and as I looked up, I felt his stare penetrate right through me. This is by far the most intense stare I have seen from him yet and again accompanied by that laugh. I finished and calmly cleared my tray.
During rec. after dinner, some of my new acquaintances advised me that they would make a spot available to me for lunch tomorrow, and advised that I take them up on the offer. I feel, given their knowledge and experience in identifying these kinds of people, I should and will follow their advice.
Anyway, a new book awaits me. Hopefully I get online tomorrow and get to post all my entries from this past week.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
New Neighbors...
01/16/10
Last night yielded no sleep as 25+ inmates were ushered in around 1am. As I my cell is located next to the only door in or out, you can imagine why. My bed no longer feels like I have that 2' mattress between me and the steel slab bed I sleep on.
I saw my face for the first time today in a borrowed mirror. The sleepless nights have taken their toll. That, combined with my psoriasis having gone untreated, have really unleashed hell on my face. Tuesday can't come fast enough...
Interesting encounter today involving one of the newly transferred inmates from last night. Normally I sit adjacent to a disheveled looking white dude who says nothing...ever. Perfect for someone like me who just wants to eat and get out of there. As it is I barely have enough time to eat the portions I want before being told to dump our trays. Since my cell is opened last to line up, I am last to get food, and have less time than most in which to eat in. Anyway, during lunch this older, graying Mexican guy sits down, and then a younger 30 something Mexican fills the four person table. The younger guy strikes me as odd. He has a thousand yard stare about him. I write off the ghostly stare as fatigue from the rumored 12+ hour bus ride into Sheridan. Right before I get up to dump my tray, the dude starts laughing. I assumed someone said something to him Spanish and thought nothing more of it.... until dinner.
Same players, same positions at the table. This time, I am really getting an off vibe from this guy. He is looking through people, not at them, and his maniacl laugh rings out unprovoked immediately upon sitting down, continuing even as he shoved food into his mouth. The older Mexican left the table at the insistence of an inmate who has been here a while, leaving only me and the fore-mentioned white dude with him. Luckily dinner sucked and I left in record time. After dinner, during recreation time (rec) this crazy dude is all that is being talked about by the other inmates, with one common message: keep an eye on this guy, he's not playing with a full deck.
Needless to say, I will be searching for a new seat tomorrow.
Last night yielded no sleep as 25+ inmates were ushered in around 1am. As I my cell is located next to the only door in or out, you can imagine why. My bed no longer feels like I have that 2' mattress between me and the steel slab bed I sleep on.
I saw my face for the first time today in a borrowed mirror. The sleepless nights have taken their toll. That, combined with my psoriasis having gone untreated, have really unleashed hell on my face. Tuesday can't come fast enough...
Interesting encounter today involving one of the newly transferred inmates from last night. Normally I sit adjacent to a disheveled looking white dude who says nothing...ever. Perfect for someone like me who just wants to eat and get out of there. As it is I barely have enough time to eat the portions I want before being told to dump our trays. Since my cell is opened last to line up, I am last to get food, and have less time than most in which to eat in. Anyway, during lunch this older, graying Mexican guy sits down, and then a younger 30 something Mexican fills the four person table. The younger guy strikes me as odd. He has a thousand yard stare about him. I write off the ghostly stare as fatigue from the rumored 12+ hour bus ride into Sheridan. Right before I get up to dump my tray, the dude starts laughing. I assumed someone said something to him Spanish and thought nothing more of it.... until dinner.
Same players, same positions at the table. This time, I am really getting an off vibe from this guy. He is looking through people, not at them, and his maniacl laugh rings out unprovoked immediately upon sitting down, continuing even as he shoved food into his mouth. The older Mexican left the table at the insistence of an inmate who has been here a while, leaving only me and the fore-mentioned white dude with him. Luckily dinner sucked and I left in record time. After dinner, during recreation time (rec) this crazy dude is all that is being talked about by the other inmates, with one common message: keep an eye on this guy, he's not playing with a full deck.
Needless to say, I will be searching for a new seat tomorrow.
Updates
01/15/10
Today goes like the rest. Sleep, eat, read, shower, read, read some more, eat, read, and repeat.
My money came through no problem, but still no direct phone access.
The cold continues to lighten up, the blister is nasty and huge.
Talking to various inmates today only solidified what I said yesterday about how good I got it. Horrible story after another about other facilities, and how lucky I am to be able to self report. While every story is different in detail, the main points are the same. DON'T FUCK UP AGAIN. Make your first time your last; learn, grow, and close that chapter of your life.
That's it, short and sweet. Gonna read and try my luck at getting some sleep.
Today goes like the rest. Sleep, eat, read, shower, read, read some more, eat, read, and repeat.
My money came through no problem, but still no direct phone access.
The cold continues to lighten up, the blister is nasty and huge.
Talking to various inmates today only solidified what I said yesterday about how good I got it. Horrible story after another about other facilities, and how lucky I am to be able to self report. While every story is different in detail, the main points are the same. DON'T FUCK UP AGAIN. Make your first time your last; learn, grow, and close that chapter of your life.
That's it, short and sweet. Gonna read and try my luck at getting some sleep.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
It could be worse?
01/14/10
Another day. Another loooooooong ass day. I finally got into the system and was able to make a collect call to my brother. I had to be quick as the rate is ridiciously priced. I should have money on my books tomorrow barring some unforeseen problem. Tuesday will be here before long and it is vital that I get my affairs in order. There is a chance I will transfer to camp before I get to purchase commissary and will have to wait another two weeks, as it will be closed next week for inventory. That would suck bad...
You don't know how much you miss the little things till you don't have them. Cliche` yes, but 100% accurate description of the situation. While being out for a total of four hours a day sucks, this is a minor complaint I hear in comparison to other facilities dilapidated buildings, not nearly enough portions of food, overrun with bugs...
I am nearly finished with another book and will start the next before falling asleep tonight. I only walked two miles as I havee developed a nasty blister on the bottom of my heal. Another pressing reason I need commissary, to get actual shoes in lieu of these china made, cardboard soled shoes. My cold is getting somewhat better, but my nose plugs up at night and it is hard to breath or get any sleep. The additional blanket helped keep the chill off, but the jacket did little in the way of comfort for a pillow.
I know I sound like I am bitching a lot... but that's my nature. 'Nothing is good enough for you, is it.' as I have heard so many times from my friends. However, make no mistake about it. I have it better than 90% of my fellow inmates here. I don't want anyone to believe any different. That is the silver lining in all this. The encouragement from my friends and family, and the knowledge that I have a support system that I can trust and rely on is a huge reason I know I will do just fine; not only during my stay here, but long after this process is done.
Well, I'm due to polish off this book before bed and start another tomorrow. At this average, I could read our entire library in 2 months (it's that tiny!).
Another day. Another loooooooong ass day. I finally got into the system and was able to make a collect call to my brother. I had to be quick as the rate is ridiciously priced. I should have money on my books tomorrow barring some unforeseen problem. Tuesday will be here before long and it is vital that I get my affairs in order. There is a chance I will transfer to camp before I get to purchase commissary and will have to wait another two weeks, as it will be closed next week for inventory. That would suck bad...
You don't know how much you miss the little things till you don't have them. Cliche` yes, but 100% accurate description of the situation. While being out for a total of four hours a day sucks, this is a minor complaint I hear in comparison to other facilities dilapidated buildings, not nearly enough portions of food, overrun with bugs...
I am nearly finished with another book and will start the next before falling asleep tonight. I only walked two miles as I havee developed a nasty blister on the bottom of my heal. Another pressing reason I need commissary, to get actual shoes in lieu of these china made, cardboard soled shoes. My cold is getting somewhat better, but my nose plugs up at night and it is hard to breath or get any sleep. The additional blanket helped keep the chill off, but the jacket did little in the way of comfort for a pillow.
I know I sound like I am bitching a lot... but that's my nature. 'Nothing is good enough for you, is it.' as I have heard so many times from my friends. However, make no mistake about it. I have it better than 90% of my fellow inmates here. I don't want anyone to believe any different. That is the silver lining in all this. The encouragement from my friends and family, and the knowledge that I have a support system that I can trust and rely on is a huge reason I know I will do just fine; not only during my stay here, but long after this process is done.
Well, I'm due to polish off this book before bed and start another tomorrow. At this average, I could read our entire library in 2 months (it's that tiny!).
Friday, January 22, 2010
Poor Sleep
Last night sucked for many reasons. First, my cell is next to the main door for the guards to enter through. When they radio in to unlock it, a loud buzz sounds followed by a bassy latch releasing, then finally by the thunderous slamming of the heavy door. This is repeated multiple times a night and all throughout the morning. Another reason for discomfort is the 2' thick mattress on a steel bed offers little to no comfort. I still don't have a pillow and had to use my second blanket as one which left me shivering all night as it is really cold in here, which turned my cough into a full on cold. Definitely not how I wanted to enter this situation, but obviously I have no choice. The only comfort of last night was a vivid dream I had of doing the most mundane activities in Seattle. I went to QFC for groceries, stopped by Emerald City Smoothie for a drink, and bought a movie from Gruv, then went home. Strange how I could already be missing the little things in life.
I skipped breakfast at 6am because my celly said you get locked back down right after. For lunch rec, I walked a mile (18 laps) around the upper tier of the block. I want to do an average of 3 miles a day if time allows. Lunch food sucked, as to be expected, but it's complain and go hungry, or shut up and eat.
This evening I got my laundry, 2 pair of socks, boxers, shirts, 1 banana yellow jumpsuit to accompany the one I am already wearing and a jacket. Hopefully it is softer than the blanket inplace of a pillow. At least I will be warmer than last night.
I should be able to finish this ridicilous book tonight and move onto something better tomorrow.
GHD
I skipped breakfast at 6am because my celly said you get locked back down right after. For lunch rec, I walked a mile (18 laps) around the upper tier of the block. I want to do an average of 3 miles a day if time allows. Lunch food sucked, as to be expected, but it's complain and go hungry, or shut up and eat.
This evening I got my laundry, 2 pair of socks, boxers, shirts, 1 banana yellow jumpsuit to accompany the one I am already wearing and a jacket. Hopefully it is softer than the blanket inplace of a pillow. At least I will be warmer than last night.
I should be able to finish this ridicilous book tonight and move onto something better tomorrow.
GHD
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Post #1
01/12/10
Right out the gate, things here are so much different than SeaTac. Attitude from staff to inmates was surprisingly more relaxed upon entering this facility. I was greeted with 'Welcome to Sheridise' and 'Enjoy your stay at the Sheridan Suites'. There are plenty of procedural differences with inmate lockdown time for chow and recreation and the sting of being locked down for 20 hours out of the day will not dull anytime soon.
I am currently awaiting my transfer to Camp. However, I was advised that the average wait time is 6-8 weeks depending on bed space and other unknown factors.
My celly is quiet and really chill, so I definitely lucked out there. He is due to transfer out any day, so it sucks to think I could be stuck with some loud, obnoxious asshole down the road. For now, I will read this shitty book I found in my cell about an ice storm that grips LA with it's icy hand. Lame plot, but any distraction is welcomed.
Emotionally I feel completely disconnected from myself. It is strange, as I walked into custody, all my anxiety melted away - just like my first visit to SeaTac. I am not afraid, nervous, hopeful.... just empty. It is weird how the human mind works to cope with various situations. I welcome the temporary disconnect as it will help me to focus on the task at hand and push through this.
GHD
Right out the gate, things here are so much different than SeaTac. Attitude from staff to inmates was surprisingly more relaxed upon entering this facility. I was greeted with 'Welcome to Sheridise' and 'Enjoy your stay at the Sheridan Suites'. There are plenty of procedural differences with inmate lockdown time for chow and recreation and the sting of being locked down for 20 hours out of the day will not dull anytime soon.
I am currently awaiting my transfer to Camp. However, I was advised that the average wait time is 6-8 weeks depending on bed space and other unknown factors.
My celly is quiet and really chill, so I definitely lucked out there. He is due to transfer out any day, so it sucks to think I could be stuck with some loud, obnoxious asshole down the road. For now, I will read this shitty book I found in my cell about an ice storm that grips LA with it's icy hand. Lame plot, but any distraction is welcomed.
Emotionally I feel completely disconnected from myself. It is strange, as I walked into custody, all my anxiety melted away - just like my first visit to SeaTac. I am not afraid, nervous, hopeful.... just empty. It is weird how the human mind works to cope with various situations. I welcome the temporary disconnect as it will help me to focus on the task at hand and push through this.
GHD
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Here I go
Well, we drove up to the entrance, but being so early we went back into town. Population is around 5 thousand so you can imagine how shitty this place is. No steak lunch as I am just too nervous to feel hungry. Despite that, I am sipping on a hefeweizen at the Sheridan Pizza Company and will try and eat a slice. Signal is weak here and my phone probably won't transmit this until it reaches Portland on the way back to my brothers place. I will check in early as my brother has a long drive home. I would love to postpone this for any extra minutes I can, but what's the use. The least I can do is get him out of here early. I am grateful for family being with for this portion and that I got to see my sister and her family on the journey down.
Well, not much more to say except thanks to everyone for their love and support. Talk to y'all later.
Well, not much more to say except thanks to everyone for their love and support. Talk to y'all later.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Tomorrow.....
It is hard to put into words what I am feeling at this point. I really don't feel the reality of the situation has sunk in, and it most likely won't, until I reach the entrance of Sheridan FDC and am taken into custody.
Unfortunately for me, there is this lingering unknown factor that is quite unsettling and has me on edge. I don't know my level of incarceration. It could be: Medium (the worst case scenario) where you are in cells and locked down for a good portion of each day, Low (not too bad) program orientated, but with slightly more restrictions than the Camp facility, or Camp. Camp is basically your not in cells but long houses with bunks, there is no security fence around the facility, and it is very program orientated. These programs are designed to rehabilitate people into productive members of society, leaving them with some work skills for when they get out.
This unanswered question is just another anomaly I have encountered during my legal process that neither my lawyer, my probation officer, nor an administrator from the BOP SeaTac (Bureau Of Prisons) could tell me why my level of incarceration wasn't specified on my paperwork. Not knowing what lays ahead has been the hardest part of this whole process. Unknown variables have plagued me throughout. The hardest part of it is feeling like you have no control over your future.
It's midnight, I doubt I will sleep. I am due into prison by 2pm tomorrow - I won't walk in until 1:55 pm. My brother is driving me down from Centralia, which is about 2.5 hours from Sheridan, Oregon. My last real meal will be in Portland - I haven't decided where, but probably a steak house.
I won't have anyway to post tomorrow, so most likely this won't be updated for a couple of weeks.
Unfortunately for me, there is this lingering unknown factor that is quite unsettling and has me on edge. I don't know my level of incarceration. It could be: Medium (the worst case scenario) where you are in cells and locked down for a good portion of each day, Low (not too bad) program orientated, but with slightly more restrictions than the Camp facility, or Camp. Camp is basically your not in cells but long houses with bunks, there is no security fence around the facility, and it is very program orientated. These programs are designed to rehabilitate people into productive members of society, leaving them with some work skills for when they get out.
This unanswered question is just another anomaly I have encountered during my legal process that neither my lawyer, my probation officer, nor an administrator from the BOP SeaTac (Bureau Of Prisons) could tell me why my level of incarceration wasn't specified on my paperwork. Not knowing what lays ahead has been the hardest part of this whole process. Unknown variables have plagued me throughout. The hardest part of it is feeling like you have no control over your future.
It's midnight, I doubt I will sleep. I am due into prison by 2pm tomorrow - I won't walk in until 1:55 pm. My brother is driving me down from Centralia, which is about 2.5 hours from Sheridan, Oregon. My last real meal will be in Portland - I haven't decided where, but probably a steak house.
I won't have anyway to post tomorrow, so most likely this won't be updated for a couple of weeks.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
First Post & Last Post
So I am going to prison on Tuesday, January 12th for a 13 month sentence. These past 9 months have been surreal. I have never been caught up in the legal system, and hope to never experience it again. However, these past months have really opened my eyes to who I can trust and rely on and who were just hanging around to gain something for themselves. It's sad that it takes such an event to shake loose the pebbles from within your circle. The upside is you are only left with strong, solid rocks you can depend on. I take comfort in knowing I will return to a circle friends who love and support me as I will always do for them.
I will email about my experiences during this time to a friend and she will post it on this blog. Nothing is 100%, but this is the plan for now. I hope my friends will visit this as a way to see what I am doing. Although a year isn't long while your doing your own thing, it will feel like an eternity to someone who is at the mercy of an institution.
I look forward to seeing everyone again soon...ish.
A special thanks to ghetto-licious for taking on the task of managing this blog.
I will email about my experiences during this time to a friend and she will post it on this blog. Nothing is 100%, but this is the plan for now. I hope my friends will visit this as a way to see what I am doing. Although a year isn't long while your doing your own thing, it will feel like an eternity to someone who is at the mercy of an institution.
I look forward to seeing everyone again soon...ish.
A special thanks to ghetto-licious for taking on the task of managing this blog.
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