It has been a long time since I posted, things have been moving very fast since my last post.
Every weekday has been going to WorkSource and the Public Library looking for a job. I replied to at least 5 craigslist ads everyday with a resume and a cover letter for the past month and a half. I got more responses from fraudulent ads (tons) than real jobs (not a single one!). It was beginning to feel like I wasn't even worthy to scoop dog poo (which I did apply for...)
I went to the airport jobs office and found a promising ad for National Rental Cars. The position was as a greeter which caters to the VIP members. It was my first call back, and my first interview and I couldn't have been more excited. At the end of the interview, he asked me if I had any questions for him. The only thing that wasn't brought up was the fact that I had a felony, which I gave full disclosure on the application. So I asked him how his company felt about my felony. His reply caught me completely off guard. He said, "Oh, your the felon. Well, that I will have to speak with management about. I'll call you by Monday." Yeah right! I was under the impression he already checked out the policy, which is why I got the interview. NOPE! He completely forgot I was the felon and focused on what he liked about my resume. I felt like I was punched in the stomach.
Fortunately for me, I called a friend I hadn't seen since my incarceration. She mentioned a friend of hers works at a company that was looking for customer service reps and would put me in touch with him. After we talked, he reviewed a copy of my resume with his boss and we set up an interview. It was immediately clear to me that they wanted to hire me and that I had finally secured a job. I started on Nov. 11th with Ecommerce Positioning and it has been going quite well. My first project is to organize a spreadsheet that consists of 37,000 pieces of inventory. It is a daunting task that apparently three people have tried to conquer and failed.
Well, it's 9:00 and it's time to get to it.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Guess who's back?
For those of you who don't know, I am in Seattle again. I got back on September 16th but only told family I was due back at that time. I suprised many friends on the street and at their jobs. I guess I really can't do anything in a 'normal' fashion.
I must say the bus ride up from Portland was quite surreal. I kept thinking that it wasn't really happening, in fact I can still barely believe it. Everything was new again: handeling cash, interacting with the public, the feel of denim jeans and finally, the realization that the public at large has no way of knowing where you've been. You get so used to the uniform and the impression it leaves on civilians when seen in it, that it's hard to remember that you shed that scarlet letter upon exiting the prison.
Anyway, I am in a halfway house until Dec.17th at which time I had better have found a place to live or I'll really be assed out. It's not bad but it has it's negative aspects too. In many ways you have much more freedom in prison, strange as it sounds to say. Difference is, more is excpected of you in here. No one is here to tell you what to do, just to aide in your re-entry into society. Where as in prison you are told what to do, where to be, and when. Some people fail here simply because they have lost or never had the ability to think independently and responsibly and mess up on purpose just to go back to their comfort zone.
I certainly don't fall into that category. I am happy to be back among my family and friends and look forward to closing this chapter of my life. I have learned a lot about myself and who I can rely on when times are tough.
So thank you to everyone for the letters, pictures, books, and support. I can't express enough how much it means to me.
I must say the bus ride up from Portland was quite surreal. I kept thinking that it wasn't really happening, in fact I can still barely believe it. Everything was new again: handeling cash, interacting with the public, the feel of denim jeans and finally, the realization that the public at large has no way of knowing where you've been. You get so used to the uniform and the impression it leaves on civilians when seen in it, that it's hard to remember that you shed that scarlet letter upon exiting the prison.
Anyway, I am in a halfway house until Dec.17th at which time I had better have found a place to live or I'll really be assed out. It's not bad but it has it's negative aspects too. In many ways you have much more freedom in prison, strange as it sounds to say. Difference is, more is excpected of you in here. No one is here to tell you what to do, just to aide in your re-entry into society. Where as in prison you are told what to do, where to be, and when. Some people fail here simply because they have lost or never had the ability to think independently and responsibly and mess up on purpose just to go back to their comfort zone.
I certainly don't fall into that category. I am happy to be back among my family and friends and look forward to closing this chapter of my life. I have learned a lot about myself and who I can rely on when times are tough.
So thank you to everyone for the letters, pictures, books, and support. I can't express enough how much it means to me.
Friday, August 6, 2010
7/20/2010
Well ACE has begun once again. Unfortunately, I was working during registration so I only am signed up for two classes this round. The only reason I got into those two classes is because I was automatically enrolled when I took the prerequisite for them. So this quarter I will be taking Life (Discovery Video Series) and Modern Marketing II. It will be nice to lighten up the load for the summer quarter, so I am not too bummed.
The computer class is going great. I am one chapter from being completely finished while the rest of the class is about 25% done. I can work on other programs and more resumes for the inmates going home along with continuing to help the teacher (an inmate) with the students.
Otherwise, the weather has been great and my allergies have finally subsided along with my third cold of the year. I am now participating in an intense work out class 5 days a week, which has been tough. Soon enough, I should be getting a job change off the serving line out to the dining room to wipe tables or sweep. Many kitchen workers do this when they are 6 months from the door or less. They call this the 'retirement plan' because instead of working three times a day, you only work once a day. That way I can do more running in the morning and I don't have to leave the workout class early on the days that I work. Besides, being on the line is a tad stressful because everyone blames you for their small portions, or if they don't like the piece of cake/fruit/chicken/etc. That shit is annoying and I can do without it.
Well, that's all. Things are moving along spectacularly. Soon enough, I will be out of here and on to the next phase of this process.
The computer class is going great. I am one chapter from being completely finished while the rest of the class is about 25% done. I can work on other programs and more resumes for the inmates going home along with continuing to help the teacher (an inmate) with the students.
Otherwise, the weather has been great and my allergies have finally subsided along with my third cold of the year. I am now participating in an intense work out class 5 days a week, which has been tough. Soon enough, I should be getting a job change off the serving line out to the dining room to wipe tables or sweep. Many kitchen workers do this when they are 6 months from the door or less. They call this the 'retirement plan' because instead of working three times a day, you only work once a day. That way I can do more running in the morning and I don't have to leave the workout class early on the days that I work. Besides, being on the line is a tad stressful because everyone blames you for their small portions, or if they don't like the piece of cake/fruit/chicken/etc. That shit is annoying and I can do without it.
Well, that's all. Things are moving along spectacularly. Soon enough, I will be out of here and on to the next phase of this process.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
7/4/10
Well, my ace classes are finished. These last 10 weeks have gone by at a decent pace. I guess we get a slightly longer break until the next round starts on the 17th of July. I am not sure what all will be available yet, but I will definitely be signing up for a few things. My computer class really makes time go by. I am further along on finishing the required material than anybody else, I am constructing resumes for inmates leaving soon, as well as other misc. projects, and I am helping the inmate teacher with the other inmates who are struggling. When my required work is done, I should be able to mess around with a 3-D modeling program called Google Sketch-Up, which is the class I wanted to take originally in lieu of this current MS Word class. In any case, I will be enrolled in that until Sept 25th when it unfortunately ends.
In piccle ball league news, my partner and I just dropped from first place to second in points. Today was a frustrating set of three games that we lost two of. We beat ourselves, but since it's for cumulative points and not wins, we are still in it. This league will go until August at which time the top 8 point leaders will do a double elimination tourney to determine this years top team. It has been a lot of fun so far, and should be another great distraction in which to keep the time rollin bye.
The 12th of this month will officially be my 6th full month in this place. All things considered, that's not too shabby. I have found enough things to keep myself occupied to not let extreme boredom set in and wear me down.
Happy 4th of July everybody!
In piccle ball league news, my partner and I just dropped from first place to second in points. Today was a frustrating set of three games that we lost two of. We beat ourselves, but since it's for cumulative points and not wins, we are still in it. This league will go until August at which time the top 8 point leaders will do a double elimination tourney to determine this years top team. It has been a lot of fun so far, and should be another great distraction in which to keep the time rollin bye.
The 12th of this month will officially be my 6th full month in this place. All things considered, that's not too shabby. I have found enough things to keep myself occupied to not let extreme boredom set in and wear me down.
Happy 4th of July everybody!
Monday, June 28, 2010
6/15
Okay, so last Monday was my birthday, something I was hoping to keep quiet around here. However, when my neighbor saw me open two cards on the same day, he said "Hey Dodd, that's your second card today... somethin tells me there's somethin your not tellin me" I replied as I left in a hurry, "Oh, these are just, 'hang in there cards'." Well, in my rush to leave, I forgot my ID was sitting out and it says the birth date right on it. Needless to say, shenanigans ensued for the rest of the day. Birthday in prison, makes for a good story sometime - but not anytime soon!
Anyway, classes are great and I finally got into the computer class. However, the course I wanted was full and I had to settle for a 100 hour course on Word 2007. While I don't feel that it will benefit me as much as the 100 hour 3D design class, I am sure I will learn a thing or two I didn't know. So far, I have spent most my time helping the teacher with the students because he is just one inmate to help all the other 25 inmates. He is the piccle ball league organizer and helped a lot with squeezing me into the computer classes this round; otherwise I would still be waiting until Sept. to get in.
Something funny about this place is all the wild life. There is a stock fish pond behind us that attracts hawks and a bald eagle diving in for the fish, so that is cool. Last year, the bald eagle got a goose and a duck. This year, only a duck - as far as anyone has seen anyway. I am surprised they don't try and get these cats running around here. There is about six skunks running amock, spraying all the cats. Every night we get inundated with the stench of skunk... that part sucks. We have a male and female duck that just had chicks, they are pretty cool; they have been running around here for a month or so. Then there is the raccoon gang. Those fuckers are relentless garbage diggers, so we have had to adjust our garbage dump routines. There are a couple of deer around along with a fox or two. Finally, the cats. One of them just had kittens, but we rarely see them out and about. The funny thing is, whenever the cats fight, EVERYONE runs to the windows to watch the fur fly. Some of the cats have earned nicknames like: Battle Cat (the fiercest fighter on the compound), Stretch (has a super elongated body), and CoonFucker (almost all white except its tail is a brownish grey color and has rings, just like a raccoon). Almost forgot, one of the raccoons is appropriately named tripod as he has only three legs. Oh, the things that entertain the mind of the detained.
Otherwise, I am still waiting on the official release date to the halfway house. That is the next most important mile stone to reach. Barring something news worthy, I probably won't write again for a week or so.
Anyway, classes are great and I finally got into the computer class. However, the course I wanted was full and I had to settle for a 100 hour course on Word 2007. While I don't feel that it will benefit me as much as the 100 hour 3D design class, I am sure I will learn a thing or two I didn't know. So far, I have spent most my time helping the teacher with the students because he is just one inmate to help all the other 25 inmates. He is the piccle ball league organizer and helped a lot with squeezing me into the computer classes this round; otherwise I would still be waiting until Sept. to get in.
Something funny about this place is all the wild life. There is a stock fish pond behind us that attracts hawks and a bald eagle diving in for the fish, so that is cool. Last year, the bald eagle got a goose and a duck. This year, only a duck - as far as anyone has seen anyway. I am surprised they don't try and get these cats running around here. There is about six skunks running amock, spraying all the cats. Every night we get inundated with the stench of skunk... that part sucks. We have a male and female duck that just had chicks, they are pretty cool; they have been running around here for a month or so. Then there is the raccoon gang. Those fuckers are relentless garbage diggers, so we have had to adjust our garbage dump routines. There are a couple of deer around along with a fox or two. Finally, the cats. One of them just had kittens, but we rarely see them out and about. The funny thing is, whenever the cats fight, EVERYONE runs to the windows to watch the fur fly. Some of the cats have earned nicknames like: Battle Cat (the fiercest fighter on the compound), Stretch (has a super elongated body), and CoonFucker (almost all white except its tail is a brownish grey color and has rings, just like a raccoon). Almost forgot, one of the raccoons is appropriately named tripod as he has only three legs. Oh, the things that entertain the mind of the detained.
Otherwise, I am still waiting on the official release date to the halfway house. That is the next most important mile stone to reach. Barring something news worthy, I probably won't write again for a week or so.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
5/23
The last week has been crazy with all the new changes coming through. We got a new Camp Admin. and he is flexing on us to show off for the big wigs. Of course, that means disrupting the natural flow of things here just to suit his needs. First, he took away all of the benches with padding on them from the rec. yard that we used to do dips on. He said people were lifting the benches and that was deemed illegal. A couple days later, he took away the incline ab benches because people were doing bench presses with them. Again, the actions of few are costing everyone that uses them properly. They bolted down other pieces of equipment in the past, why can't they just do that again. When asked, he said they shouldn't have to and we should be disciplined enough to know better. FUCK THAT. Rule number one: do your own time. No one is going to stop someone for lifting the equipment, to each their own. Bolt the shit down and be done with it. Finally, he is saying no fruit can leave the chow hall what so ever. That sucks as many of us liked to enjoy a piece at night in lue of the normal shit they sell on commissary.
In a really basic way, it's like this guy is only taking things away that we use to stay healthy. I'm not sure if I said this before, but this guy claims this camp is outta control. Go to any other facility on the west coast and you will see cell phones, drugs, guys gettin laid, McDonalds being snuck in, booze, tobacco, etc. No joke. In the last year, there has been no failed UA's, breathalizers, no cell phones found, and on the rare occasion some tobacco has been reported. Otherwise, this is prolly the most tame camp on the west coast, maybe in the entire country. FYI, the DOJ (department of justice) passed a new law that makes posession of a cell phone in prison a crime and you can get another 12 months sentence. I highly doubt that someone is going to risk that here. So how he can come up with a statement like that is absolutely ridiculous. Again, flexing for the boss. Problem is, he is just taking people to the hole for the most minor of infractions, which goes against the regulations. He will be filed on for doing it, but that process is overseen by the BOP, so I wonder who they will side with... Nothing will get done from within, it has to come from a lawsuit.
Anyway, I just need to focus on making it through as I don't have that long to go.
BTW, I am outta good books to read so if you can, please send me a book off that list from a week ago!!! I would really appreciate it!!!
I'll write again soon.
In a really basic way, it's like this guy is only taking things away that we use to stay healthy. I'm not sure if I said this before, but this guy claims this camp is outta control. Go to any other facility on the west coast and you will see cell phones, drugs, guys gettin laid, McDonalds being snuck in, booze, tobacco, etc. No joke. In the last year, there has been no failed UA's, breathalizers, no cell phones found, and on the rare occasion some tobacco has been reported. Otherwise, this is prolly the most tame camp on the west coast, maybe in the entire country. FYI, the DOJ (department of justice) passed a new law that makes posession of a cell phone in prison a crime and you can get another 12 months sentence. I highly doubt that someone is going to risk that here. So how he can come up with a statement like that is absolutely ridiculous. Again, flexing for the boss. Problem is, he is just taking people to the hole for the most minor of infractions, which goes against the regulations. He will be filed on for doing it, but that process is overseen by the BOP, so I wonder who they will side with... Nothing will get done from within, it has to come from a lawsuit.
Anyway, I just need to focus on making it through as I don't have that long to go.
BTW, I am outta good books to read so if you can, please send me a book off that list from a week ago!!! I would really appreciate it!!!
I'll write again soon.
5/17
So I had a Team Meeting today. This is my second meeting. Normally you have the meetings with your case manager and your councilor. Of course, "normal" does not apply to this backwoods ran facility. My first Team was with only my case manager, as the councilor didn't feel the need to be there. Luckily, your first Team is just to prep you for your later Teams. The job description for case managers and councilor alike are to outline a plan for success on the outside by helping you obtain things like your Birth Certificate, Social Security Card, State Identification, and a resume. Also, they help you plan financially if you have court ordered reprimandations, get into drug education classes, and to guide you through the six RPP (release preparation programming) classes. Again, that is all under "normal" circumstances or at a "normal" facility. Here, they just slough you off as another headache, collect their pay checks and go home; 20-25 years to retire and they are set for life with a modest budget to live on.
Sorry for the little tangent, lets get back to the Team Meeting. As I walk in, the first thing I notice is that this isn't my councilor nor is it my case manager. I ask what happened to my case manager and I got a very casual response of, "Oh, he got another job a couple of weeks ago." Umm, wow, that's nice to know, a few weeks later. "So where is my councilor," I asked. "She is busy," was the only response. Really? That's quite the effort she is putting into being a councilor, especially since she hasn't seen me once since my arrival! After all that, the next thing out of the councilor's mouth was a jab at me about three stamps. Remember, she was the one who fucked me out of my orderly job because her precious snitch decided to hit me. I couldn't believe her gall to sit there and belittle me over something that I had no part in causing. So I said, "You are so funny you should quit your day job and become a comedian. Seriously, do us a favor and just quit." Needless to say, it was a little awkward for the first few minutes in there, until the case manger, who had a look of total disbelief, steered the conversation back on track. I should note that this councilor is a stand up guy who makes my old councilor look like a total tool in terms of accountability and credibility. He is the only councilor or case manager here who doesn't treat us like we are sub-human. Anyway, he praised me for my ability to have everything in early (resume, birth cert., ssc, drivers license) and to be on top of my RPP classes. My points are zero (0-11 can be at camp, 12-21 are designated to lows, 22+ goes to mediums), I have no incident reports (shots), and I haven't been assigned extra duty (most minor of punishments for small infractions). It was a good to know that I am doing so well and that is transcribed on paper as it will only benefit me when I go on probation.
So aside from the snide comments from that councilor, it went well. My classes are entering the 4th week, so only 6 more weeks to go. In order to keep on track with ACE schedule, we will only get a week off in between this and the next round of classes instead of the normal 3 weeks. I guess somewhere along the way over the past year and a half, the BOP staff here let them fall behind schedule. I am okay with that as the two hour classes certainly help time pass, especially when taking four of them a week.
I am getting increasingly excited as summer approaches. I am co-hosting a piccle ball tournament, providing we get enough teams together. I opted out of softball league and volleyball league as the injuries are plentiful every year, especially to the ankles and knees. Prison is not the place to get injured as the medical staff here are completely inept in dealing with anything more than a headache. If you can't hack it in a real hospital environment, you sign up for a position with the BOP. After all, once your union, you can totally fuck up a patient with no consequences (well, anything short of causing death that is) and not get fired. Rumor has it that the local hospital has logged so many complaints against the mistreatment of patients prior to them being received, that the head medical guy is going into early retirement.
Well, I feel better now that I got those couple of complaints off my chest. While it's not a perfect place, it could always be worse - believe that. So again, I am bitching over relatively minor shit, so pay no mind. I just need to vent in order to move on from it!
Sorry for the little tangent, lets get back to the Team Meeting. As I walk in, the first thing I notice is that this isn't my councilor nor is it my case manager. I ask what happened to my case manager and I got a very casual response of, "Oh, he got another job a couple of weeks ago." Umm, wow, that's nice to know, a few weeks later. "So where is my councilor," I asked. "She is busy," was the only response. Really? That's quite the effort she is putting into being a councilor, especially since she hasn't seen me once since my arrival! After all that, the next thing out of the councilor's mouth was a jab at me about three stamps. Remember, she was the one who fucked me out of my orderly job because her precious snitch decided to hit me. I couldn't believe her gall to sit there and belittle me over something that I had no part in causing. So I said, "You are so funny you should quit your day job and become a comedian. Seriously, do us a favor and just quit." Needless to say, it was a little awkward for the first few minutes in there, until the case manger, who had a look of total disbelief, steered the conversation back on track. I should note that this councilor is a stand up guy who makes my old councilor look like a total tool in terms of accountability and credibility. He is the only councilor or case manager here who doesn't treat us like we are sub-human. Anyway, he praised me for my ability to have everything in early (resume, birth cert., ssc, drivers license) and to be on top of my RPP classes. My points are zero (0-11 can be at camp, 12-21 are designated to lows, 22+ goes to mediums), I have no incident reports (shots), and I haven't been assigned extra duty (most minor of punishments for small infractions). It was a good to know that I am doing so well and that is transcribed on paper as it will only benefit me when I go on probation.
So aside from the snide comments from that councilor, it went well. My classes are entering the 4th week, so only 6 more weeks to go. In order to keep on track with ACE schedule, we will only get a week off in between this and the next round of classes instead of the normal 3 weeks. I guess somewhere along the way over the past year and a half, the BOP staff here let them fall behind schedule. I am okay with that as the two hour classes certainly help time pass, especially when taking four of them a week.
I am getting increasingly excited as summer approaches. I am co-hosting a piccle ball tournament, providing we get enough teams together. I opted out of softball league and volleyball league as the injuries are plentiful every year, especially to the ankles and knees. Prison is not the place to get injured as the medical staff here are completely inept in dealing with anything more than a headache. If you can't hack it in a real hospital environment, you sign up for a position with the BOP. After all, once your union, you can totally fuck up a patient with no consequences (well, anything short of causing death that is) and not get fired. Rumor has it that the local hospital has logged so many complaints against the mistreatment of patients prior to them being received, that the head medical guy is going into early retirement.
Well, I feel better now that I got those couple of complaints off my chest. While it's not a perfect place, it could always be worse - believe that. So again, I am bitching over relatively minor shit, so pay no mind. I just need to vent in order to move on from it!
Friday, May 14, 2010
5/1/10
My first week of ACE classes went well. Tuesdays I am in History of WWII, Wednsdays Ancient Civilizations, Thursday is Future Marketing (internet marketing), and Friday I am in Earth Science.
The HoWWII and AC classes are the same corriculium as the first teacher taught it, but this current teacher lacks the enthusiasm and seemingly infinite depth of knowledge on these subjects when compared to our former teacher. It will be harder to stay focused, but none the less, I am confident that I will complete this round with good results.
The Future Marketing class is all about the dos and don'ts of using the internet to market your business. It should be interesting despite the fact that the BOP decided that my bunky couldn't teach it as originally planned. They feel it is too closely related to his crime. Funny thing is they have let him teach it four times in the past 2 years. The current teacher is simply not a teacher nor a good public speaker. While that is frustrating, I know that there is still a lot of quality information to be attained from this class.
The final class is an all movie class. We will be watching the Earth series and the Blue Planet series on DVD and then we will have a test at the end of each class. We also had a pre-test which means we will have a final test at the end of ten weeks. I have a distinct advantage to most of my classmates as I not only watched both these series before, I own them too and have watched them multiple times. It still is never boring to watch. The great thing is for the third quarter classes, the teacher is ordering the Life series that has just debue and will have a class on that as well. I am looking forward to that as no one here wanted to watch it in the TV rooms...
Anyway, I will be very busy with those four classes this quarter and am looking forward to it. I will write again at the end of next week.
The HoWWII and AC classes are the same corriculium as the first teacher taught it, but this current teacher lacks the enthusiasm and seemingly infinite depth of knowledge on these subjects when compared to our former teacher. It will be harder to stay focused, but none the less, I am confident that I will complete this round with good results.
The Future Marketing class is all about the dos and don'ts of using the internet to market your business. It should be interesting despite the fact that the BOP decided that my bunky couldn't teach it as originally planned. They feel it is too closely related to his crime. Funny thing is they have let him teach it four times in the past 2 years. The current teacher is simply not a teacher nor a good public speaker. While that is frustrating, I know that there is still a lot of quality information to be attained from this class.
The final class is an all movie class. We will be watching the Earth series and the Blue Planet series on DVD and then we will have a test at the end of each class. We also had a pre-test which means we will have a final test at the end of ten weeks. I have a distinct advantage to most of my classmates as I not only watched both these series before, I own them too and have watched them multiple times. It still is never boring to watch. The great thing is for the third quarter classes, the teacher is ordering the Life series that has just debue and will have a class on that as well. I am looking forward to that as no one here wanted to watch it in the TV rooms...
Anyway, I will be very busy with those four classes this quarter and am looking forward to it. I will write again at the end of next week.
4/26/10
Today is my first day of yet another kitchen assignment. I was in the 'pit' (scrubbing pots and pans), then I was moved to spraying trays (a pseudo promotion as it is more of a lateral move in the higharcy), and now I am on the line (serving food). All this within three weeks of my return from the hole.
There are plenty who envy my position as you supposedly get extra servings of food and if the cop is nice, he may let you take some left overs home. In all honesty, that means nothing to me as all the food looks, tastes, and smells like shit. Not to mention horrible for you in terms of health. While the work is fast and furious, making the time pass quickly, it is annoying how much bullshit I have to put up with. Not only from the other inmates bitching about what a lousy piece of cake I gave them, or how small the fruit was, but the fucking cop today had some demeaning line for me every other minute. I don't care for it. Besides that, the guy can't take what he dishes out. If you speak up or take a verbal jab back, he runs for the paperwork to give you a shot. I am not going to be putting up with it for long, I want off the line immediately. Luckily, my allergies are kicking in and that may be the ticket off the line. Can't have someone sneezing all over the food, not that that would be the only unsanitary thing to happen to the food on it's way to the trays.
So for now, I will be sticking it out on the line until further notice. My question is, if the job is so envied, why can't I get switched out? Well, I found out why when I showed up to work. I am the first white server since I first got here. Remember that guy in my wing that went to the hole my first week here? He was working on the line when he got taken in, the last of the cacassions. For some resemblance of fairness, they stuck me there.
Otherwise, ACE classes start today, not next week as I originally thought. There was a teacher who took over the two history classes from last round, so I will take those again (History of WWII and Ancient Civilizations). I am also taking a class on Blue Planet, based off of the discovery series. Not sure how it will be structured, but I do know that we will have a pre-test on day one and a final test on the last day of class and will watch a bit of the series in class. Should be interesting to say the least. Much to my dismay, there will not be any credit smart classes this round.
There was one other class I signed up for, but now I am not sure I want to take it. It is called Future Marketing and it deals with the subject of internet marketing. What changed my mind is that the BOP won't let the original teacher (my current bunky) teach it again despite that he has for the past 4 rounds of classes. They suddenly decided it is too closely related to a crime of his past. They didn't feel that way before, but a change in the ranks suddenly changed some minds as well. Anyway, they guy that is replacing him doesn't have nearly the qualifications to be teaching it and doesn't have any hands on experience doing it, only what he has read and retained during prison. So after a class or two, I will make my final decision on if I will drop it or not.
There are plenty who envy my position as you supposedly get extra servings of food and if the cop is nice, he may let you take some left overs home. In all honesty, that means nothing to me as all the food looks, tastes, and smells like shit. Not to mention horrible for you in terms of health. While the work is fast and furious, making the time pass quickly, it is annoying how much bullshit I have to put up with. Not only from the other inmates bitching about what a lousy piece of cake I gave them, or how small the fruit was, but the fucking cop today had some demeaning line for me every other minute. I don't care for it. Besides that, the guy can't take what he dishes out. If you speak up or take a verbal jab back, he runs for the paperwork to give you a shot. I am not going to be putting up with it for long, I want off the line immediately. Luckily, my allergies are kicking in and that may be the ticket off the line. Can't have someone sneezing all over the food, not that that would be the only unsanitary thing to happen to the food on it's way to the trays.
So for now, I will be sticking it out on the line until further notice. My question is, if the job is so envied, why can't I get switched out? Well, I found out why when I showed up to work. I am the first white server since I first got here. Remember that guy in my wing that went to the hole my first week here? He was working on the line when he got taken in, the last of the cacassions. For some resemblance of fairness, they stuck me there.
Otherwise, ACE classes start today, not next week as I originally thought. There was a teacher who took over the two history classes from last round, so I will take those again (History of WWII and Ancient Civilizations). I am also taking a class on Blue Planet, based off of the discovery series. Not sure how it will be structured, but I do know that we will have a pre-test on day one and a final test on the last day of class and will watch a bit of the series in class. Should be interesting to say the least. Much to my dismay, there will not be any credit smart classes this round.
There was one other class I signed up for, but now I am not sure I want to take it. It is called Future Marketing and it deals with the subject of internet marketing. What changed my mind is that the BOP won't let the original teacher (my current bunky) teach it again despite that he has for the past 4 rounds of classes. They suddenly decided it is too closely related to a crime of his past. They didn't feel that way before, but a change in the ranks suddenly changed some minds as well. Anyway, they guy that is replacing him doesn't have nearly the qualifications to be teaching it and doesn't have any hands on experience doing it, only what he has read and retained during prison. So after a class or two, I will make my final decision on if I will drop it or not.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
4/17/10
Today was my first day off in my two on two off schedule and I planned on sleeping in a bit. However, around 7:30am I got a paged. The cop said over the loud speaker, "Dodd, report to the kitchen immediately if you want out of kitchen duty." I quickly rolled out of bed and got dressed. I walked into the office not sure of what to expect from this cop as he is a notorious bullshitter and way full of himself. He asked me if I wanted out of the dish pit, and of course I said yes. Then he asked me if I wanted an AM kitchen orderly position. Now that would entail going to work at 4am five days a week, working seven hours, and getting paid $20 a month. Not even close to worth it as it would interfere with my taking ACE classes that are usually scheduled for a 6-8pm time slot.
After I turned that down, he offered a bakers position. Working at 4:30am, less pay, and again interfering with my ACE classes. He even suggested that the added benefit of taking food home as a baker might make it worth it to me. Now that was a poorly laid trap by this very inept cop. You see, ANYTHING taken from the kitchen is stealing. Punishment includes; A 200 series shot for stealing (same series as a shot for fighting), going to the hole, loss of good time, and upon return, going to work in the dish pit. Not only that, that statement is from the cop who enforces these rules more strictly than any other cop on the kitchen roster. Besides, the only reason I have the opportunity to move out of the pit is because he is punishing someone he caught doing something he didn't like and he wants to stick them in the pit. When I told him no, I added, "The main line offers three squares a day that keep me plenty full, so no thanks."
Finally he offered the job I wanted: emptying food trays (banger), spraying food trays, or loading/unloading food trays from the dishwasher. I listed those three shifts because it will be decided which specific chore I get when I talk to the rest of the crew (three people total). It's the same schedule I already work (two days on two off) and I will be switching to the "B" schedule where I already know almost everyone I will be working with. The last benefit, while only a short term, is I get 4 days off in a row in order to catch up to the "B" schedule. It's a win win!
All in all, I am happy with the outcome of today's events. ACE registration starts in two weeks and available classes will be posted in one week. I know what I want to take, but that doesn't mean it will be offered the time around. I'll let ya know what I do next week.
After I turned that down, he offered a bakers position. Working at 4:30am, less pay, and again interfering with my ACE classes. He even suggested that the added benefit of taking food home as a baker might make it worth it to me. Now that was a poorly laid trap by this very inept cop. You see, ANYTHING taken from the kitchen is stealing. Punishment includes; A 200 series shot for stealing (same series as a shot for fighting), going to the hole, loss of good time, and upon return, going to work in the dish pit. Not only that, that statement is from the cop who enforces these rules more strictly than any other cop on the kitchen roster. Besides, the only reason I have the opportunity to move out of the pit is because he is punishing someone he caught doing something he didn't like and he wants to stick them in the pit. When I told him no, I added, "The main line offers three squares a day that keep me plenty full, so no thanks."
Finally he offered the job I wanted: emptying food trays (banger), spraying food trays, or loading/unloading food trays from the dishwasher. I listed those three shifts because it will be decided which specific chore I get when I talk to the rest of the crew (three people total). It's the same schedule I already work (two days on two off) and I will be switching to the "B" schedule where I already know almost everyone I will be working with. The last benefit, while only a short term, is I get 4 days off in a row in order to catch up to the "B" schedule. It's a win win!
All in all, I am happy with the outcome of today's events. ACE registration starts in two weeks and available classes will be posted in one week. I know what I want to take, but that doesn't mean it will be offered the time around. I'll let ya know what I do next week.
4/12/10
I woke up this morning around 1am and noticed my bunky (Bruce) was gone. All day he had been complaining of chest pains and saying he very well may go to the hospital if it kept up. He is a huge guy who eats shitty processed food all day, plus eats all three meals served at the chow hall. At the time, I just thought he went to watch TV somewhere or was taking a deuce.
When I got back from work, he was still gone and I was being asked if I knew where he went. I didn't and said so, but another inmate saw him lumbering downstairs, saying he looked pale and was drenched in sweat. He apparently called the admin office using the emergency phone and was taken to the hospital.
The really strange part of all this was when the cop came into our wing for the 8:30am census count. We asked him about Bruce and he said not to worry, he'll be back. They always keep guys for observation, especially when dealing with someone like Bruce who already has a slew of medical conditions. However, after saying that, the cop only referred to Bruce in the past tense. How much did he weigh? How good was his diet? How old was he? We all caught onto it, but no one called him out on it.
I must remind you that most inmates, after doing some, time become rather conspiratorial; nothing is a coincidence. We had a 6:00pm emergency count and we all had to show ID and state our inmate number. When the cop got to our cube, the three of us still there did so, and the cop looked all confused at the empty bunk and asked where my bunky was. In the hospital, we all replied unanimously. Then he asked his name, and after telling him, he looked at the master roster and said, "That's weird, he isn't even on the roster." and walked out. So of course, the negative speculation on his status spread like wild fire. I am certain he is okay only because they haven't come to clean out his locker. That is always the sure sign that someone isn't coming back.
In other news, the new ACE classes registration should begin in 3-4 weeks. So hopefully I can get through my selected classes without going to the hole this round. The computer classes I want don't begin until June, and I am still on the cusp of whether or not I make it into that quarter. It is the same exact story with the Building Trades class I want to get into. I will just have to hope somebody doesn't sign up and I get to take there spot.
When I got back from work, he was still gone and I was being asked if I knew where he went. I didn't and said so, but another inmate saw him lumbering downstairs, saying he looked pale and was drenched in sweat. He apparently called the admin office using the emergency phone and was taken to the hospital.
The really strange part of all this was when the cop came into our wing for the 8:30am census count. We asked him about Bruce and he said not to worry, he'll be back. They always keep guys for observation, especially when dealing with someone like Bruce who already has a slew of medical conditions. However, after saying that, the cop only referred to Bruce in the past tense. How much did he weigh? How good was his diet? How old was he? We all caught onto it, but no one called him out on it.
I must remind you that most inmates, after doing some, time become rather conspiratorial; nothing is a coincidence. We had a 6:00pm emergency count and we all had to show ID and state our inmate number. When the cop got to our cube, the three of us still there did so, and the cop looked all confused at the empty bunk and asked where my bunky was. In the hospital, we all replied unanimously. Then he asked his name, and after telling him, he looked at the master roster and said, "That's weird, he isn't even on the roster." and walked out. So of course, the negative speculation on his status spread like wild fire. I am certain he is okay only because they haven't come to clean out his locker. That is always the sure sign that someone isn't coming back.
In other news, the new ACE classes registration should begin in 3-4 weeks. So hopefully I can get through my selected classes without going to the hole this round. The computer classes I want don't begin until June, and I am still on the cusp of whether or not I make it into that quarter. It is the same exact story with the Building Trades class I want to get into. I will just have to hope somebody doesn't sign up and I get to take there spot.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Wanna Send some Books?
These are a current list of books I would really like to read. If you want to ship one in, email i.am.irrelevant to stake claim in a certain book so I don't get duplicates. Wait to order until you get confirmation on the availability of that book.
They are all from one author, Michael Connelly:
Blood Work
Chasing the Dime
Lost Light
A Darkness More Than Night
The Overlook
The Last Coyote
The Scarecrow
Brass Verdict
Murder in Vegas (collab with other authors)
They are all from one author, Michael Connelly:
Blood Work
Chasing the Dime
Lost Light
A Darkness More Than Night
The Overlook
The Last Coyote
The Scarecrow
Brass Verdict
Murder in Vegas (collab with other authors)
Finally Back to Camp
*Please enjoy the next few weeks e-mails in a few bulk installments....
04/05/10
Well, well, well... The age of false promises and dis information finally ceases - temporarily I am sure. I was told I am going back to camp today and they actually followed up on that information. They pulled me out of my cell at 4:30pm and I stayed in a dry cell (no sink, no toilet, and one concrete bench) until 7:00pm. Why? I don't know, it doesn't make any sense to me. As to be expected, I was assigned a new bunk and I will get a new job assignment. Both were held for me until the end of the third week, at which time it was assumed I was not coming back.
My reception back was as I expected. Shock at the fact that after five weeks I returned combined with the relief and enthusiasm in knowing that the assailant Enos will not return. There is not one person who is sad to see him go, not even his own people. I found out he had gotten into it with someone else earlier that day, verbally provoking the guy until it was broke up. It is obvious now what his intentions where that day - checking out (getting kicked out of this facility and transferred to a different one - usually to avoid paying debts). It just so happened that he chose me to aid him in his plan.
I am getting settled into my new cube here in the "morgue". It is called that because this wing's average age is 55-60 and most are in bed by 8pm. While this wing is highly coveted by many inmates for it's quiet atmosphere, I hate it. I really want to move but it won't happen for months... if ever. The admins hate doing bed moves and it rarely happens the way you want it to.
Well, it's good to be back. Time to get some sleep.
04/06/10
I woke up early to hit the laundry to get fitted for my new set of greens since the cops take and cycle your old one when you go to the hole. Then at 7am I got a T.B. test at medical and then immediately reported to the kitchen to get my assignment and schedule. I start Thursday at pots and pans (the lowest position - usually reserved for those who are being punished). Shitty!
I asked the councilor in charge of the orderly positions if she had anything coming up for me as far as a job goes. She immediately said no and that I don't have anything coming. She also added that I should expect a shot (incident report) in the next week for fighting. I could hardly keep from laughing in her face at her absurd comment. I told her that I was cleared of all wrong doing and that policy clearly states I would not be back at camp if I was guilty of fighting. Her rebuttal was to say that she was just repeating what she was told. Truth of the matter is, she lost her head orderly and his actions make her look bad. She is mad at me because she isn't adult enough to recognize and admit she made a terrible mistake in hiring that guy. So now I have a felling this lady is gunning for me and that sucks. I will steer clear of her and let her cool down.
04/08/10
My day started at 4:30am so as to be ready for work by 5am. I scrubbed dishes until 7am, did it all again from 10am until 12pm, and once more from 3pm until 6pm. It really wouldn't be bad if the sink wasn't built at a height for oompa-loompas and they gave us gloves as the industrial strength sanitizer is murder on my skin. I have a nasty rash after only one day and I am not the only one with that same complaint.
Unknown to me, my buddy is the new assistant head orderly and asked to hire me for a position coming up in a few weeks. The councilor said absolutely not, she will never sign off on it. In addition, she told him she blames me for what happened. She said I caused him to hit me by verbally assaulting him. Fuck, this lady is bat-shit crazy! She just can't come to terms with all this, and is absolutely blind to the facts in this case. I told him thanks anyway, but it sounds like I need to find work outside of the orderly area.
Aside from that, I am fully unpacked after getting all my property back. I am so wiped out, I may actually sleep all the way through the night.
04/05/10
Well, well, well... The age of false promises and dis information finally ceases - temporarily I am sure. I was told I am going back to camp today and they actually followed up on that information. They pulled me out of my cell at 4:30pm and I stayed in a dry cell (no sink, no toilet, and one concrete bench) until 7:00pm. Why? I don't know, it doesn't make any sense to me. As to be expected, I was assigned a new bunk and I will get a new job assignment. Both were held for me until the end of the third week, at which time it was assumed I was not coming back.
My reception back was as I expected. Shock at the fact that after five weeks I returned combined with the relief and enthusiasm in knowing that the assailant Enos will not return. There is not one person who is sad to see him go, not even his own people. I found out he had gotten into it with someone else earlier that day, verbally provoking the guy until it was broke up. It is obvious now what his intentions where that day - checking out (getting kicked out of this facility and transferred to a different one - usually to avoid paying debts). It just so happened that he chose me to aid him in his plan.
I am getting settled into my new cube here in the "morgue". It is called that because this wing's average age is 55-60 and most are in bed by 8pm. While this wing is highly coveted by many inmates for it's quiet atmosphere, I hate it. I really want to move but it won't happen for months... if ever. The admins hate doing bed moves and it rarely happens the way you want it to.
Well, it's good to be back. Time to get some sleep.
04/06/10
I woke up early to hit the laundry to get fitted for my new set of greens since the cops take and cycle your old one when you go to the hole. Then at 7am I got a T.B. test at medical and then immediately reported to the kitchen to get my assignment and schedule. I start Thursday at pots and pans (the lowest position - usually reserved for those who are being punished). Shitty!
I asked the councilor in charge of the orderly positions if she had anything coming up for me as far as a job goes. She immediately said no and that I don't have anything coming. She also added that I should expect a shot (incident report) in the next week for fighting. I could hardly keep from laughing in her face at her absurd comment. I told her that I was cleared of all wrong doing and that policy clearly states I would not be back at camp if I was guilty of fighting. Her rebuttal was to say that she was just repeating what she was told. Truth of the matter is, she lost her head orderly and his actions make her look bad. She is mad at me because she isn't adult enough to recognize and admit she made a terrible mistake in hiring that guy. So now I have a felling this lady is gunning for me and that sucks. I will steer clear of her and let her cool down.
04/08/10
My day started at 4:30am so as to be ready for work by 5am. I scrubbed dishes until 7am, did it all again from 10am until 12pm, and once more from 3pm until 6pm. It really wouldn't be bad if the sink wasn't built at a height for oompa-loompas and they gave us gloves as the industrial strength sanitizer is murder on my skin. I have a nasty rash after only one day and I am not the only one with that same complaint.
Unknown to me, my buddy is the new assistant head orderly and asked to hire me for a position coming up in a few weeks. The councilor said absolutely not, she will never sign off on it. In addition, she told him she blames me for what happened. She said I caused him to hit me by verbally assaulting him. Fuck, this lady is bat-shit crazy! She just can't come to terms with all this, and is absolutely blind to the facts in this case. I told him thanks anyway, but it sounds like I need to find work outside of the orderly area.
Aside from that, I am fully unpacked after getting all my property back. I am so wiped out, I may actually sleep all the way through the night.
Friday, April 30, 2010
The Hole, fín.
*Editor's note: I'm the worst blogger in the world. Please accept my sincerest apologies as I try to update my ass off***
3/26
Today they moved everyone to different cells. We got moved to a three-man cell which has a bunk over the small metal desk. While we won't have three people living here (thank fucking god!) it cuts the amount of "free space" (what an oxymoron!) in half. It is already causing a great deal of tension between my celly and I. I can't stand the childish ignorance he spews out of that broken faucet he calls his mouth, and it's only getting worse.
On Monday, the guard told three inmates, including myself, "pack up, you're going home" (ie back from whence we came - in my case, camp). They took two of the guys, but left me here. When I asked, the shift change had just come on, so no one knew what I was talking about. Tuesday, the guard from Monday asked why I was still there, I told him I had no clue. By the day's end, I had no answers and a growing concern about my status. Wednesday, I asked a different guard what was going on and he said that the captain (who has final say on where I end up) said he had to ask the SIS investigator a question before making his decision. The guard alluded to the SIS lady being out for the rest of the week, so naturally my hope of being freed from here starts next week. Tuesday the 30th will mark a whole month of being here, one week shy of balancing with the five weeks i was in camp. In a strange way with the exception of this week, the time has gone by relatively fast in here. I think it's partly because I spend almost 12 hours sleeping, but who knows?
The only upside to this information is it tells me which way the investigation is heading - I just wish it would hurry the fuck up.
3/30
Here I sit, four weeks to the day since my arrival, and yet again I am not being transferred back to camp. Yesterday, the camp administrator told me I should be leaving by Tuesday at the latest, yet here I sit. Difference between this week's and last week's news is the title and rank of the camp administrator, which implies the information should be true and accurate. After all, the camp is his domain and he answers only to one man, the warden. Whereas last week my info was from low-level CO, it was reckless to get my hopes up again, but it's hard not to considering the source.
My frustrations have continued to build since the arrival of my assailant to this floor. He talks about the incident freely, as if cheap shotting someone is some great feat to gloat about. Today I over-heard him (you have to yell out your cell door to each other to talk) saying how even he is surprised he hasn't been charged. He said the evidence against him was so overwhelming and accurate, he didn't even try to lie to the SIS lady. I'm skeptical about the last statement, but given what I do know, I am slightly inclined to believe the first statement. Which makes me question, Why is this taking so long? How can the BOP justify their actions these past two weeks? Why am I still being punished. Man, this shit just wears me out.
In other news, my celly suddenly got word today that he is being transferred out. A small ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak month. It's hard to say how much longer I would have been able to tolerate his seemingly infinite ignorance. The downside is, of course, the gamble of dealing with an all new personality. It is inevitable that they will do so, only a matter of time. If I had my way, I wouldn't have a roomy. If I was forced to pick one, I'd choose a deaf mute who sleeps 23.5 hours a day. One can dream, can't he?
4/1
I wish I didn't write that last post until later that night or the next day, as yet again I have allowed myself to become a victim of their disinformation. I swear they are as bad as the Nazi party in their heyday at spreading false truths, and I'm so naïve, I keep buying into the bullshit. Let me explain: After sending the last letter expressing some optimism in my situation due to the information I received from a man of significant authority, I was informed by a simple, low-level counselor that the investigation has taken a big step backwards. She said I should expect to be in here another 2 - 4 weeks, as the captain wants the investigation to start all over. So again, I'm left completely in the dark, with no hope in sight.
Another revelation on the subject I learned today is that my assailant did lie to the SIS. He claims I pushed him. That is his reasoning for hitting me, despite what he tells everyone here in the hole. Obviously he is trying to cover up for his cowardly move because he knows people just won't put up with unprovoked attacks. So again, my innocence can only be proven from the witnesses. I thought that when I was originally told to pack out on the 22nd, three weeks into investigation, that surely the evidence in my favor was overwhelming - that's the only reason I could be going home so soon. Now it feels like I'm starting over, like I just walked into the hole for the first time. It's ironic considering it was one year ago to the day that I was first arrested -I had many questions and zero answers.
It's a shame I never got around to posting the letters I wrote during those few days I was locked up after being arrested. I do remember one detail quite vividly about my first court date on April 1st, 2009. That was my total shock at realizing I was facing the feds, not the state. I realized it as soon as the judge said "The United States Government vs. G******* D***." I turned to my lawyer and said "Oh shit, this is federal, huh?" He gravely nodded in reply. I honestly had no clue until that moment how much shit I was in. Anyway, it's certainly not a date worth celebrating. It is, however, currently worth reflecting on because it really only seems like that happened a few months ago. In time, this whole process will be reflected on the same way - over in the blink of an eye.
Anyway, I did get a new celly. Not a bad guy at all. It could always be worse, but not this round. He is (or was) the assistant credit smart teacher from the second attempt on the class. I had only one class with him as I was tossed in the hole two days before my second session. I thought he looked familiar, but I just couldn't place it until we got to BS'ing. He is getting a bad break in my opinion, but I genuinely feel he will come out on top and ride out his situation unscathed.
Alright, I'm done now, and as I know things - so will you.
3/26
Today they moved everyone to different cells. We got moved to a three-man cell which has a bunk over the small metal desk. While we won't have three people living here (thank fucking god!) it cuts the amount of "free space" (what an oxymoron!) in half. It is already causing a great deal of tension between my celly and I. I can't stand the childish ignorance he spews out of that broken faucet he calls his mouth, and it's only getting worse.
On Monday, the guard told three inmates, including myself, "pack up, you're going home" (ie back from whence we came - in my case, camp). They took two of the guys, but left me here. When I asked, the shift change had just come on, so no one knew what I was talking about. Tuesday, the guard from Monday asked why I was still there, I told him I had no clue. By the day's end, I had no answers and a growing concern about my status. Wednesday, I asked a different guard what was going on and he said that the captain (who has final say on where I end up) said he had to ask the SIS investigator a question before making his decision. The guard alluded to the SIS lady being out for the rest of the week, so naturally my hope of being freed from here starts next week. Tuesday the 30th will mark a whole month of being here, one week shy of balancing with the five weeks i was in camp. In a strange way with the exception of this week, the time has gone by relatively fast in here. I think it's partly because I spend almost 12 hours sleeping, but who knows?
The only upside to this information is it tells me which way the investigation is heading - I just wish it would hurry the fuck up.
3/30
Here I sit, four weeks to the day since my arrival, and yet again I am not being transferred back to camp. Yesterday, the camp administrator told me I should be leaving by Tuesday at the latest, yet here I sit. Difference between this week's and last week's news is the title and rank of the camp administrator, which implies the information should be true and accurate. After all, the camp is his domain and he answers only to one man, the warden. Whereas last week my info was from low-level CO, it was reckless to get my hopes up again, but it's hard not to considering the source.
My frustrations have continued to build since the arrival of my assailant to this floor. He talks about the incident freely, as if cheap shotting someone is some great feat to gloat about. Today I over-heard him (you have to yell out your cell door to each other to talk) saying how even he is surprised he hasn't been charged. He said the evidence against him was so overwhelming and accurate, he didn't even try to lie to the SIS lady. I'm skeptical about the last statement, but given what I do know, I am slightly inclined to believe the first statement. Which makes me question, Why is this taking so long? How can the BOP justify their actions these past two weeks? Why am I still being punished. Man, this shit just wears me out.
In other news, my celly suddenly got word today that he is being transferred out. A small ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak month. It's hard to say how much longer I would have been able to tolerate his seemingly infinite ignorance. The downside is, of course, the gamble of dealing with an all new personality. It is inevitable that they will do so, only a matter of time. If I had my way, I wouldn't have a roomy. If I was forced to pick one, I'd choose a deaf mute who sleeps 23.5 hours a day. One can dream, can't he?
4/1
I wish I didn't write that last post until later that night or the next day, as yet again I have allowed myself to become a victim of their disinformation. I swear they are as bad as the Nazi party in their heyday at spreading false truths, and I'm so naïve, I keep buying into the bullshit. Let me explain: After sending the last letter expressing some optimism in my situation due to the information I received from a man of significant authority, I was informed by a simple, low-level counselor that the investigation has taken a big step backwards. She said I should expect to be in here another 2 - 4 weeks, as the captain wants the investigation to start all over. So again, I'm left completely in the dark, with no hope in sight.
Another revelation on the subject I learned today is that my assailant did lie to the SIS. He claims I pushed him. That is his reasoning for hitting me, despite what he tells everyone here in the hole. Obviously he is trying to cover up for his cowardly move because he knows people just won't put up with unprovoked attacks. So again, my innocence can only be proven from the witnesses. I thought that when I was originally told to pack out on the 22nd, three weeks into investigation, that surely the evidence in my favor was overwhelming - that's the only reason I could be going home so soon. Now it feels like I'm starting over, like I just walked into the hole for the first time. It's ironic considering it was one year ago to the day that I was first arrested -I had many questions and zero answers.
It's a shame I never got around to posting the letters I wrote during those few days I was locked up after being arrested. I do remember one detail quite vividly about my first court date on April 1st, 2009. That was my total shock at realizing I was facing the feds, not the state. I realized it as soon as the judge said "The United States Government vs. G******* D***." I turned to my lawyer and said "Oh shit, this is federal, huh?" He gravely nodded in reply. I honestly had no clue until that moment how much shit I was in. Anyway, it's certainly not a date worth celebrating. It is, however, currently worth reflecting on because it really only seems like that happened a few months ago. In time, this whole process will be reflected on the same way - over in the blink of an eye.
Anyway, I did get a new celly. Not a bad guy at all. It could always be worse, but not this round. He is (or was) the assistant credit smart teacher from the second attempt on the class. I had only one class with him as I was tossed in the hole two days before my second session. I thought he looked familiar, but I just couldn't place it until we got to BS'ing. He is getting a bad break in my opinion, but I genuinely feel he will come out on top and ride out his situation unscathed.
Alright, I'm done now, and as I know things - so will you.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Hole, pt 2
3-16
Ever wonder what a mental institute might sound like, day-to-day? Hell, I'd bet everything I got that this is damn close to it. I remember bitching about the nightly animal noises in J-1 in my first week or so of posts, but this place can't hold a candle to it. The constant wailing and guttural screams of inmates reverberate throughout the SHU. I don't know if it's out of sheer boredom or something more chemical, but they are ever vigilant in their screaming. It is really starting to get to me as I can't seem to tune it out. I am sure it's something akin to living in a zoo, which is also a great analogy to make. Weekly we get some random suit-and-tie sticking his fat face in our tiny door windows. I am surprised they don't serve them popcorn or hand out brochures outlining our histories, as these visits seem to be the entertainment of the unknown suit - yet most likely, they are here by contractual obligation.
What sucks even more is that this situation really brings out the pessimist in me. As I've said, I could be here ninety days before I find out my fate and up to another ninety days awaiting transfer, should that be the case. It's harder yet as I watch Spring arriving, taunting me with some of the nicest-looking weather in months. I can even see people from camp out making the most of their days, relishing every minute of it. Believe me, I was soaking it up prior to this, never wasting away a single day. There were so many things to focus myself on, I couldn't afford to ignore them for a moment. Life in a fucking shoebox is no life at all, just a fuckin' illusion...
Ever wonder what a mental institute might sound like, day-to-day? Hell, I'd bet everything I got that this is damn close to it. I remember bitching about the nightly animal noises in J-1 in my first week or so of posts, but this place can't hold a candle to it. The constant wailing and guttural screams of inmates reverberate throughout the SHU. I don't know if it's out of sheer boredom or something more chemical, but they are ever vigilant in their screaming. It is really starting to get to me as I can't seem to tune it out. I am sure it's something akin to living in a zoo, which is also a great analogy to make. Weekly we get some random suit-and-tie sticking his fat face in our tiny door windows. I am surprised they don't serve them popcorn or hand out brochures outlining our histories, as these visits seem to be the entertainment of the unknown suit - yet most likely, they are here by contractual obligation.
What sucks even more is that this situation really brings out the pessimist in me. As I've said, I could be here ninety days before I find out my fate and up to another ninety days awaiting transfer, should that be the case. It's harder yet as I watch Spring arriving, taunting me with some of the nicest-looking weather in months. I can even see people from camp out making the most of their days, relishing every minute of it. Believe me, I was soaking it up prior to this, never wasting away a single day. There were so many things to focus myself on, I couldn't afford to ignore them for a moment. Life in a fucking shoebox is no life at all, just a fuckin' illusion...
The Hole, pt 1
*Editor's note: many apologies for the delay in posts, all. I have been receiving hand-written letters, and have little time to transcribe. So today please enjoy a series of posts from the last few weeks.*
It may not come as much of a surprise to you that when I vent, I go all out. I will use "colourful" language to emphasize my extreme disgust of any particular situation I deem necessary, in order to fully convey my feelings on the matter.
Today I was pulled aside by a CO and strongly warned about my "colourful" conversation with my brother yesterday evening. He asked if I had a problem with staff, and I said yes. I don't appreciate the lip service I've been getting from other CO's since my arrival, I don't like the direct insults from these same CO's because the moment you stand up for yourself verbally, they will write you a 'shot' (infraction). Not to mention how they have an opinion on my current allegations - insinuating I am getting what I deserve, despite the fact that it is still under investigation. I barely got through speaking my rebuttal when he told me to shut up. He asked me if I knew my phone and mail correspondences are monitored and recorded and I said yes. Then he asked me how the specific staff members would feel if informed of my opinions. I replied that it was irrelevant seeing as how I was merely venting to a family member, adding that I have been nothing less than courteous and respectful to ALL STAFF, despite constant belittlement - a fact backed up by my absence of 'shots' for insolence toward staff. He didn't really acknowledge anything I said, but he wrapped up our conversation with a very simple message: keep it up, and we will drag our feet on this investigation and ship you outta here, no questions asked. I was shocked, but the message was clear: we got you by the short 'n' curlies, rock the boat and we will drown you.
Appalling, yes, but does it matter? No. Any staff's words, when weighed against an inmate's, is solid and infallible. They have absolute power, arguing against them is an exercise in futility. We really don't have any rights here, despite the illusion they project.
I said what I said because I am in a mental and emotional vice here and simply needed to vent and let it out. I didn't threaten any staff, security, or civility of this or any BOP facility, talk in code, or engage in any other forbidden endeavors. I thought I was exercising my 1st amendment rights to freely express my opinion, but as I am learning, I don't even get that dignity. Again, no point in arguing it. In fact, I concede from all matters of conflict within the BOP, as it is a battle I can not win.
So as not to perpetuate my miserable existence here any further, I will close with this statement: "The BOP staff here are top-notch, fair and balanced individuals, who command nothing but my utmost respect and reverence for their constant dedication to helping reform and guide us lost souls to a bright and fruitful future"
It may not come as much of a surprise to you that when I vent, I go all out. I will use "colourful" language to emphasize my extreme disgust of any particular situation I deem necessary, in order to fully convey my feelings on the matter.
Today I was pulled aside by a CO and strongly warned about my "colourful" conversation with my brother yesterday evening. He asked if I had a problem with staff, and I said yes. I don't appreciate the lip service I've been getting from other CO's since my arrival, I don't like the direct insults from these same CO's because the moment you stand up for yourself verbally, they will write you a 'shot' (infraction). Not to mention how they have an opinion on my current allegations - insinuating I am getting what I deserve, despite the fact that it is still under investigation. I barely got through speaking my rebuttal when he told me to shut up. He asked me if I knew my phone and mail correspondences are monitored and recorded and I said yes. Then he asked me how the specific staff members would feel if informed of my opinions. I replied that it was irrelevant seeing as how I was merely venting to a family member, adding that I have been nothing less than courteous and respectful to ALL STAFF, despite constant belittlement - a fact backed up by my absence of 'shots' for insolence toward staff. He didn't really acknowledge anything I said, but he wrapped up our conversation with a very simple message: keep it up, and we will drag our feet on this investigation and ship you outta here, no questions asked. I was shocked, but the message was clear: we got you by the short 'n' curlies, rock the boat and we will drown you.
Appalling, yes, but does it matter? No. Any staff's words, when weighed against an inmate's, is solid and infallible. They have absolute power, arguing against them is an exercise in futility. We really don't have any rights here, despite the illusion they project.
I said what I said because I am in a mental and emotional vice here and simply needed to vent and let it out. I didn't threaten any staff, security, or civility of this or any BOP facility, talk in code, or engage in any other forbidden endeavors. I thought I was exercising my 1st amendment rights to freely express my opinion, but as I am learning, I don't even get that dignity. Again, no point in arguing it. In fact, I concede from all matters of conflict within the BOP, as it is a battle I can not win.
So as not to perpetuate my miserable existence here any further, I will close with this statement: "The BOP staff here are top-notch, fair and balanced individuals, who command nothing but my utmost respect and reverence for their constant dedication to helping reform and guide us lost souls to a bright and fruitful future"
Friday, March 12, 2010
March 7, 2010
So today was sort of informative. I went to a SIS (Special Investigative Services) meeting with Lt. Payne in regards to my case. She wanted my statement, asked some other general info about me, and about my time at camp. She said she would also run the same line of questions with my assailant, put all the info together in her report to the UDC and the Lt (who will ultimately make their decision based on information gathered), then the Warden will make the final decision on the fate of Enos and myself.
The thing that is slowing up the investigation is that there are no witnesses stepping forward. Am I really that surprised? No. Even though everyone hates this Enos guy, no one wants to be a rat. Do I blame them? No. Would I do the same in their position? Yes. The ironic thing about what I just said is that with nearly every other incident in the past, snitches ave lined up to say who, what, when, where, why things went down. Irony, suck-my-balls. So now it's up to Enos to fess up, or by some miracle, some witness to step forward - both of which I now find highly unlikely to happen.
In summation; I have many questions and few answers. A real landmark day will be the day the Lt. reads me the report because the UDC meeting will be what my future holds. As it stands, the SIS lady said expect to be here at least another month.
So today was sort of informative. I went to a SIS (Special Investigative Services) meeting with Lt. Payne in regards to my case. She wanted my statement, asked some other general info about me, and about my time at camp. She said she would also run the same line of questions with my assailant, put all the info together in her report to the UDC and the Lt (who will ultimately make their decision based on information gathered), then the Warden will make the final decision on the fate of Enos and myself.
The thing that is slowing up the investigation is that there are no witnesses stepping forward. Am I really that surprised? No. Even though everyone hates this Enos guy, no one wants to be a rat. Do I blame them? No. Would I do the same in their position? Yes. The ironic thing about what I just said is that with nearly every other incident in the past, snitches ave lined up to say who, what, when, where, why things went down. Irony, suck-my-balls. So now it's up to Enos to fess up, or by some miracle, some witness to step forward - both of which I now find highly unlikely to happen.
In summation; I have many questions and few answers. A real landmark day will be the day the Lt. reads me the report because the UDC meeting will be what my future holds. As it stands, the SIS lady said expect to be here at least another month.
March 5, 2010
Last day to hear anything and I get nothing. I get to start my hope for answers all over again on Monday. This weekend is going to be very difficult on me mentally. This environment will dissect you. I can tell it will be hard to leave here feeling like my whole self. It will take an extremely strong mind to not let this place affect me, but I'm not sure how I'll fare. this will truly be my biggest test as far as my incarceration goes. It is just difficult to be positive when it feels like the deck is stacked against me. Combine that with the feelings of being helpless and trapped; I feel like I can't even stand-up for myself and fight my own battle.
Well, only thing I can thing to write on about is expressing my distaste for this system and how depressed it has made me, so I am going to stop. I will write again next week when/if I learn anything significant.
Last day to hear anything and I get nothing. I get to start my hope for answers all over again on Monday. This weekend is going to be very difficult on me mentally. This environment will dissect you. I can tell it will be hard to leave here feeling like my whole self. It will take an extremely strong mind to not let this place affect me, but I'm not sure how I'll fare. this will truly be my biggest test as far as my incarceration goes. It is just difficult to be positive when it feels like the deck is stacked against me. Combine that with the feelings of being helpless and trapped; I feel like I can't even stand-up for myself and fight my own battle.
Well, only thing I can thing to write on about is expressing my distaste for this system and how depressed it has made me, so I am going to stop. I will write again next week when/if I learn anything significant.
March 4, 2010
No news yet. The Lt. has been down to talk to the other inmates, but he had no news for me. He only offered one piece of advice, "Be patient, this will take awhile." My celly explained that the investigation must still be going on. This does nothing to put my mind at ease. There has to be at least 20 reports on what happened to me. There are always certain inmates attached to the C.O.'s ass like a parasite that can't live without its host. While I normally detest people like that, they are my only hope in getting the truth out to the appropriate people. This Enos guy has been manipulating and extorting other inmates for a long time. I obviously got the memo too late to make an informed decision on loaning him the stamps to begin with.
Now, the official charge against me is fighting with another inmate. Problem is, a fight constitutes two individuals coming to a physical altercation where both parties attempt to inflict bodily harm on one another. Thing of it is, I was attacked with a chicken shit cheap shot. Having said my peace and gave up on getting my stamps back. The last thing I remember is taking a full two steps backwards from Enos and turning my head down and to the right, staring at the rack full of pool balls. My jaw was fully exposed, like a big bull's-eye. That means he had to close the gap by stepping into his punch in order to bring me within his range. Again, that means I was attacked, not that I fought with him. If i had seen the punch coming, my body would have tensed up, especially my jaw and I doubt I would have actually been knocked out. The best thing going for me was that i kept a level head after coming to. I can remember the look in his eyes as he realized his mistake as he was blocking the exit to the pool room. The fire in his eyes burned holes into me preluding the punch were extinguished by eyes that pleaded with me to balance his mistake by hitting him back. If I did that, I would definitely be telling you guys I'm out of camp and that I fucked up. Like I said, I just need the truth to rise to the surface of this murky situation and I will be okay.
I am pleased with my composure during the confrontation, but I still wonder how much was composure and how much was pure shock. Still, I am grateful I didn't make any mistakes. Well, minus the innocent loaning of stamps. I just hope Friday yields some answers or hints as to what is happening. Otherwise it will be a weekend of torturing myself with "what-ifs" and "woulda, coulda, shouldas."
No news yet. The Lt. has been down to talk to the other inmates, but he had no news for me. He only offered one piece of advice, "Be patient, this will take awhile." My celly explained that the investigation must still be going on. This does nothing to put my mind at ease. There has to be at least 20 reports on what happened to me. There are always certain inmates attached to the C.O.'s ass like a parasite that can't live without its host. While I normally detest people like that, they are my only hope in getting the truth out to the appropriate people. This Enos guy has been manipulating and extorting other inmates for a long time. I obviously got the memo too late to make an informed decision on loaning him the stamps to begin with.
Now, the official charge against me is fighting with another inmate. Problem is, a fight constitutes two individuals coming to a physical altercation where both parties attempt to inflict bodily harm on one another. Thing of it is, I was attacked with a chicken shit cheap shot. Having said my peace and gave up on getting my stamps back. The last thing I remember is taking a full two steps backwards from Enos and turning my head down and to the right, staring at the rack full of pool balls. My jaw was fully exposed, like a big bull's-eye. That means he had to close the gap by stepping into his punch in order to bring me within his range. Again, that means I was attacked, not that I fought with him. If i had seen the punch coming, my body would have tensed up, especially my jaw and I doubt I would have actually been knocked out. The best thing going for me was that i kept a level head after coming to. I can remember the look in his eyes as he realized his mistake as he was blocking the exit to the pool room. The fire in his eyes burned holes into me preluding the punch were extinguished by eyes that pleaded with me to balance his mistake by hitting him back. If I did that, I would definitely be telling you guys I'm out of camp and that I fucked up. Like I said, I just need the truth to rise to the surface of this murky situation and I will be okay.
I am pleased with my composure during the confrontation, but I still wonder how much was composure and how much was pure shock. Still, I am grateful I didn't make any mistakes. Well, minus the innocent loaning of stamps. I just hope Friday yields some answers or hints as to what is happening. Otherwise it will be a weekend of torturing myself with "what-ifs" and "woulda, coulda, shouldas."
March 3, 2010
Sleep eludes me last night. I'm sharing an 8' x 10' cell with one other person. The steel frame bunks here are shorter than the mattress in length. I am taller than the bed length, which probably wouldn't bother me except an awkward cross bar restricts my feet from hanging over the edge and one by my head that I constantly smack against. We are only given a clean change of clothes on shower days. Hence, no way to make a makeshift pillow to achieve some level of comfort. This place makes J--1 seem like a walk in the park.
My celly tells me that first, the Lieutenant will come by to read me the charge and state the evidence to back-up the allegations against me. I should be able to offer my rebuttal at that time. The next step, I will be called into a UDC (Unit Disciplinary Committee) hearing. There, they will discuss in depth the findings of the initial investigation, hear my side, then decide what kind of recommendation to make the DHO (Disciplinary Hearing Officer). Ultimately, the DHO will make the final decision on this matter. This whole process can take months to complete, which is an extremely scary thought. Worst case: I am some how found guilty of fighting and sent to a low or medium facility with a loss of good time. Best case: I go back to camp, being found innocent of any wrong doing, but I still lose. I will lose my job, my prime bed space, and I will fail all three ACE classes. Due to not attending class. It all boils down to this: My fate rests in the witnesses coming forward to state what happened. Otherwise, it comes down to one inmates word vs. another, and I don't know how much clout I carry.
This is the last place I ever thought I would end up, and the most depressed I have ever been. U just don't know what to think anymore...
Sleep eludes me last night. I'm sharing an 8' x 10' cell with one other person. The steel frame bunks here are shorter than the mattress in length. I am taller than the bed length, which probably wouldn't bother me except an awkward cross bar restricts my feet from hanging over the edge and one by my head that I constantly smack against. We are only given a clean change of clothes on shower days. Hence, no way to make a makeshift pillow to achieve some level of comfort. This place makes J--1 seem like a walk in the park.
My celly tells me that first, the Lieutenant will come by to read me the charge and state the evidence to back-up the allegations against me. I should be able to offer my rebuttal at that time. The next step, I will be called into a UDC (Unit Disciplinary Committee) hearing. There, they will discuss in depth the findings of the initial investigation, hear my side, then decide what kind of recommendation to make the DHO (Disciplinary Hearing Officer). Ultimately, the DHO will make the final decision on this matter. This whole process can take months to complete, which is an extremely scary thought. Worst case: I am some how found guilty of fighting and sent to a low or medium facility with a loss of good time. Best case: I go back to camp, being found innocent of any wrong doing, but I still lose. I will lose my job, my prime bed space, and I will fail all three ACE classes. Due to not attending class. It all boils down to this: My fate rests in the witnesses coming forward to state what happened. Otherwise, it comes down to one inmates word vs. another, and I don't know how much clout I carry.
This is the last place I ever thought I would end up, and the most depressed I have ever been. U just don't know what to think anymore...
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